Middle Finger Ovaries – Toddler T-Shirt – Funny Anatomy – Tiny Rebel

SIZE: TINY.

VOCABULARY: DEVELOPING.

OPINIONS: FULLY DEVELOPED.

OVARIES: OPINIONATED.

MIDDLE FINGERS: TWO.

ATTITUDE: TODDLER-SIZED ONLY IN THEORY.

Toddlers are adorable.

They’re sweet.

They’re curious.

They’re affectionate.

They’re innocent little bundles of joy.

They’re also perfectly capable of collapsing dramatically onto the kitchen floor because you gave them the BLUE CUP THEY SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR THREE MINUTES AGO.

So really…

the Middle Finger Ovaries Toddler T-Shirt just feels appropriate.

Featuring a hilariously cheeky graphic of ovaries transformed into two unmistakable middle fingers, this funny toddler tee combines maximum cuteness with an absolutely unreasonable amount of attitude.

Made from 100% breathable cotton, it’s designed to keep your tiny chaos coordinator comfortable through snacks, playtime, adventures, questionable decisions, spontaneous negotiations, and the occasional completely inexplicable emotional catastrophe.

Perfect for sarcastic parents, anatomy nerd families, science geeks, healthcare families, toddlers with enormous personalities, and anyone who understands that a two-year-old doesn’t actually need a middle-finger graphic to communicate displeasure…

but it certainly adds context.

Why You’ll Love It:

• Tiny Tee, Massive Attitude – The ovaries-and-middle-fingers design creates an absurdly funny contrast with its pint-sized wearer.
• 100% Breathable Cotton – Soft everyday comfort for playing, exploring, snacking, running, climbing, and doing whatever they were specifically asked not to do.
• Bold, Durable Graphic – Made to keep its cheeky personality through regular wear and washing.
• Perfect for Sarcastic Families – Especially households where “terrible twos” sounds less like a developmental stage and more like a weather warning.
• Instant Double-Take Material – First they see the adorable toddler. Then they see the shirt. Then they look at you.
• Funny Anatomy Humor – A weird and unexpected design for parents who appreciate biology jokes, medical humor, and unconventional kids’ clothing.
• Hilarious Toddler Gift – Great for birthdays, funny family photos, casual outings, and parents raising one particularly spirited little human.

The Toddler

Stranger:

Awww!

She’s adorable!

Parent:

Thank you.

Stranger:

And look at that cute shirt!

Parent:

Thank you.

Stranger:

What’s the picture?

Parent:

Take another look.

Stranger:

Looks.

Stranger:

Oh.

Parent:

Yep.

Stranger:

Are those…

Parent:

Yep.

Toddler:

Smiles angelically.

Stranger:

Honestly?

It fits.

Parent:

You have no idea.

Tiny Human

Height:

Approximately knee-level.

Shoes:

Frequently missing.

Vocabulary:

Growing.

Emotional regulation:

Under construction.

Negotiation skills:

Suspiciously advanced.

Ovaries:

🖕 🖕

Parent:

Accurate.

The Cup

Toddler:

JUICE!

Parent:

Okay.

Which cup?

Toddler:

BLUE!

Parent:

Gets blue cup.

Toddler:

NOOOOOOOOO!

Parent:

What’s wrong?

Toddler:

BLUE CUP!

Parent:

This IS the blue cup.

Toddler:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Parent:

Looks at shirt.

Parent:

Fair enough.

The Other Blue Cup

Parent:

Do you mean THIS blue cup?

Toddler:

YES!

Parent:

You have two blue cups?

Toddler:

YES!

Parent:

And I was somehow supposed to know which blue cup?

Toddler:

YES!

Parent:

Of course.

The Banana

Toddler:

BANANA!

Parent:

Peels banana.

Toddler:

NOOOOO!

Parent:

What?

Toddler:

PUT IT BACK!

Parent:

Put the peel back?

Toddler:

YES!

Parent:

I can’t.

Toddler:

CRIES.

Parent:

Looks at shirt.

Parent:

I’m beginning to understand the graphic.

The Broken Cracker

Toddler:

CRACKER!

Parent:

Hands cracker.

Cracker:

Breaks.

Toddler:

Stares.

Parent:

Oh no.

Toddler:

BROKEN!

Parent:

It’s okay.

Toddler:

FIX IT!

Parent:

I can’t fix a cracker.

Toddler:

FIX IIIIIIIT!

Parent:

This is beyond my training.

The Toast

Parent:

Toast?

Toddler:

YES!

Parent:

Cuts toast.

Toddler:

NO CUT!

Parent:

You asked me to cut it yesterday.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Yesterday you screamed because I DIDN’T cut it.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

I have no idea what the rules are anymore.

Shirt:

🖕 🖕

Parent:

Exactly.

Breakfast

Eggs:

Rejected.

Toast:

Wrong shape.

Banana:

Peeled incorrectly.

Milk:

Wrong cup.

Cereal:

Acceptable.

Parent:

Finally.

Toddler:

Drops cereal on floor.

Parent:

Never mind.

The Snack

Toddler:

SNACK!

Parent:

You just had a snack.

Toddler:

SNACK!

Parent:

Five minutes ago.

Toddler:

SNACK!

Parent:

Fine.

Apple?

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Banana?

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Crackers?

Toddler:

YES!

Parent:

Hands crackers.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

I walked into that one.

The Emergency Snack

Parent:

We’re leaving.

Toddler:

SNACK!

Parent:

I packed snacks.

Toddler:

WHAT SNACK?

Parent:

Crackers.

Toddler:

NO.

Parent:

Fruit.

Toddler:

NO.

Parent:

Cheese.

Toddler:

NO.

Parent:

What do you want?

Toddler:

SNACK.

Parent:

Thank you for clarifying.

The Shoes

Parent:

Put your shoes on.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

We have to leave.

Toddler:

NO SHOES!

Parent:

You need shoes.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Five minutes later.

Toddler:

OUTSIDE!

Parent:

Then put on your shoes.

Toddler:

NOOOOO!

Parent:

We’ve reached an impasse.

The Wrong Shoes

Parent:

Here are your shoes.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

These are your favorite shoes.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

You wore them yesterday.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Which shoes?

Toddler:

THOSE!

Parent:

Those are rain boots.

Toddler:

YES!

Parent:

It’s 85 degrees.

Toddler:

BOOTS!

Parent:

Fine.

Fashion:

Toddler rules.

The Sock

Parent:

Where’s your other sock?

Toddler:

DON’T KNOW.

Parent:

You had it thirty seconds ago.

Toddler:

DON’T KNOW.

Parent:

Looks around.

Sock:

Gone.

Parent:

How?

Toddler:

Shrugs.

Parent:

Toddler physics.

The Coat

Parent:

Put your coat on.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

It’s cold.

Toddler:

NO COAT!

Parent:

Fine.

Three Minutes Later

Toddler:

COLD!

Parent:

Would you like your coat?

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Excellent.

The Hat

Parent:

Wear your hat.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

It’s freezing.

Toddler:

NO HAT!

Parent:

Puts hat on toddler.

Toddler:

Removes hat.

Parent:

Puts hat back.

Toddler:

Removes hat.

Parent:

Puts hat back.

Toddler:

Removes hat.

Parent:

We’re done here.

The Car Seat

Toddler:

I DO IT!

Parent:

Okay.

Toddler:

Attempts buckle.

Parent:

Need help?

Toddler:

NO!

Two Minutes Later

Toddler:

HELP!

Parent:

Reaches over.

Toddler:

NO!

I DO IT!

Parent:

Okay.

Toddler:

HELP!

Parent:

I’m trapped in a loop.

The Car Ride

Toddler:

WHERE GOING?

Parent:

Store.

Toddler:

WHY?

Parent:

We need groceries.

Toddler:

WHY?

Parent:

Because we need food.

Toddler:

WHY?

Parent:

Because humans eat.

Toddler:

WHY?

Parent:

We’re already beyond my scientific expertise.

The Why Phase

Toddler:

Why?

Parent:

Because.

Toddler:

Why?

Parent:

That’s how it works.

Toddler:

Why?

Parent:

Because that’s the rule.

Toddler:

Why?

Parent:

I don’t know.

Toddler:

Why don’t you know?

Parent:

…

Shirt:

🖕 🖕

Parent:

You’re not helping.

The Grocery Store

Toddler:

WANT DOWN!

Parent:

Okay.

Puts toddler down.

Toddler:

UP!

Parent:

You just said—

Toddler:

UP!

Parent:

Picks toddler up.

Toddler:

DOWN!

Parent:

We are not doing this.

Toddler:

DOWN!

Parent:

Looks at shirt.

Parent:

I know.

The Shopping Cart

Toddler:

I PUSH!

Parent:

You can’t see over the cart.

Toddler:

I PUSH!

Parent:

Fine.

Shopping Cart:

Immediately hits display.

Parent:

And we’re done pushing.

Toddler:

NOOOOO!

The Checkout

Cashier:

What a cutie!

Parent:

Thank you.

Cashier:

I love the shirt.

Parent:

Look closer.

Cashier:

Looks.

Cashier:

OH!

Parent:

Yep.

Cashier:

That’s hilarious.

Toddler:

CANDY!

Parent:

No.

Toddler:

CANDY!

Parent:

Still no.

Toddler:

Begins negotiations.

Cashier:

Okay.

Now the shirt makes even more sense.

The Toy Aisle

Toddler:

WANT THIS!

Parent:

We’re not buying toys today.

Toddler:

PLEEEEEASE!

Parent:

No.

Toddler:

THIS ONE?

Parent:

No.

Toddler:

THIS ONE?

Parent:

No.

Toddler:

THIS ONE?

Parent:

No.

Toddler:

WHY?

Parent:

Because we’re buying toothpaste.

Toddler:

I DON’T WANT TOOTHPASTE!

Parent:

Nobody comes to the store excited about toothpaste.

The Exit

Parent:

Time to go.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

We’re leaving.

Toddler:

NO HOME!

Parent:

You wanted to go home ten minutes ago.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Consistency is not our strength today.

The Playground

Parent:

Five more minutes.

Toddler:

Okay.

Five Minutes Later

Parent:

Time to go.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Remember?

Five minutes.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

You agreed.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

You don’t recognize verbal contracts yet, do you?

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Obviously.

The Slide

Toddler:

AGAIN!

Parent:

Okay.

Toddler:

Slides.

Toddler:

AGAIN!

Parent:

Okay.

Toddler:

Slides.

Toddler:

AGAIN!

Parent:

Okay.

Thirty-Seven Slides Later

Toddler:

AGAIN!

Parent:

How are you not tired?

Toddler:

AGAIN!

Parent:

I regret introducing you to slides.

The Swing

Toddler:

HIGHER!

Parent:

That’s high enough.

Toddler:

HIGHER!

Parent:

No.

Toddler:

HIGHER!

Parent:

I’m legally responsible for you.

Toddler:

HIGHER!

Parent:

Strong argument.

Still no.

The Sandbox

Toddler:

Look!

Parent:

What did you find?

Toddler:

Rock!

Parent:

Nice rock.

Toddler:

MY ROCK!

Parent:

Okay.

Toddler:

Puts rock in pocket.

Parent:

Please don’t bring the entire playground home.

Toddler:

Finds second rock.

Parent:

Of course.

The Rock Collection

Rock One:

Pocket.

Rock Two:

Pocket.

Rock Three:

Parent’s pocket.

Stick:

Somehow also coming home.

Parent:

Why?

Toddler:

TREASURE!

Parent:

Can’t argue with that.

The Mud Puddle

Parent:

Don’t jump in—

Toddler:

SPLASH!

Parent:

—the puddle.

Toddler:

Laughs.

Parent:

You’re soaked.

Toddler:

AGAIN!

Parent:

Naturally.

The Bath

Toddler:

NO BATH!

Parent:

You need a bath.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

You’re covered in mud.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Gets toddler into bath.

Ten Minutes Later

Parent:

Time to get out.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

You didn’t want to get in!

Toddler:

NO GET OUT!

Parent:

I surrender.

The Toothbrush

Parent:

Time to brush your teeth.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Come on.

Toddler:

I DO IT!

Parent:

Okay.

Toddler:

Brushes one tooth for four seconds.

Toddler:

DONE!

Parent:

We have considerably more teeth to address.

Toddler:

DONE!

Parent:

Your dentist and I disagree.

Pajamas

Parent:

Which pajamas?

Toddler:

DINOSAUR!

Parent:

Gets dinosaur pajamas.

Toddler:

NO DINOSAUR!

Parent:

You literally—

Toddler:

TRUCKS!

Parent:

Fine.

Gets trucks.

Toddler:

DINOSAUR!

Parent:

I’m being psychologically tested.

Bedtime

Parent:

Time for bed.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

It’s bedtime.

Toddler:

NOT TIRED!

Parent:

You fell asleep in your spaghetti.

Toddler:

NOT TIRED!

Parent:

Your face was in the noodles.

Toddler:

NO BED!

Parent:

Looks at shirt.

Parent:

Yes.

I understand your position.

The Bedtime Negotiation

Toddler:

ONE BOOK!

Parent:

Okay.

Reads book.

Toddler:

ANOTHER BOOK!

Parent:

One more.

Reads book.

Toddler:

ANOTHER!

Parent:

No.

Toddler:

WATER!

Parent:

Gets water.

Toddler:

HUG!

Parent:

Hugs toddler.

Toddler:

POTTY!

Parent:

You are running a sophisticated delay operation.

Toddler:

POTTY!

Parent:

Fine.

The Final Bedtime Request

Toddler:

WATER.

Parent:

You just had water.

Toddler:

HUG.

Parent:

You just had three hugs.

Toddler:

BOOK.

Parent:

We read four.

Toddler:

SNACK.

Parent:

Absolutely not.

Toddler:

WHY?

Parent:

Because this establishment is CLOSED.

The Nap

Parent:

Nap time.

Toddler:

NO NAP!

Parent:

You’re exhausted.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Five minutes later.

Toddler:

Asleep sideways on couch.

Parent:

Sure.

Why use the bed?

Nap Status

Requested:

No.

Needed:

Desperately.

Accepted:

Absolutely not.

Accidentally taken:

Yes.

Location:

Completely random.

Parent:

Classic.

The Five-Minute Car Nap

Toddler:

Falls asleep three minutes from home.

Parent:

No.

No no no no.

Toddler:

Sleeps.

Parent:

Please stay awake.

Toddler:

Sleeps.

Parent:

We’re almost home!

Toddler:

Sleeps.

Later That Evening

Toddler:

NOT TIRED!

Parent:

That three-minute nap destroyed everything.

The Morning

Clock:

5:47 A.M.

Toddler:

MOMMY!

Parent:

No.

Toddler:

MOMMYYYY!

Parent:

It’s still nighttime.

Toddler:

MORNING!

Parent:

The sun disagrees.

Toddler:

MORNING!

Parent:

Apparently democracy has failed.

The Weekend Morning

Clock:

6:02 A.M.

Toddler:

WAKE UP!

Parent:

Why?

Toddler:

PLAY!

Parent:

It’s Saturday.

Toddler:

PLAY!

Parent:

Do you understand weekends?

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Clearly.

The Weekday Morning

Clock:

7:15 A.M.

Parent:

Time to wake up.

Toddler:

NO.

Parent:

Come on.

Toddler:

SLEEPY.

Parent:

You woke me up at six yesterday.

Toddler:

NO.

Parent:

You absolutely did.

Toddler:

NO.

Parent:

Revisionist history already.

Impressive.

The Toddler Run

Parent:

Come here.

Toddler:

Runs opposite direction.

Parent:

Come back!

Toddler:

Laughs.

Parent:

Why are you running?

Toddler:

MORE RUNNING.

Parent:

How are those tiny legs so fast?

The Naked Escape

Parent:

Time to get dressed.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Come here.

Toddler:

Runs away wearing only diaper.

Parent:

Get back here!

Toddler:

Laughs hysterically.

Parent:

This was not in the parenting brochure.

The Outfit

Parent:

Want the dinosaur shirt?

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Truck shirt?

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Striped shirt?

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

This one?

Holds up Middle Finger Ovaries shirt.

Toddler:

YES!

Parent:

Of course.

The Mirror

Toddler:

Looks in mirror.

Toddler:

ME!

Parent:

Yep.

Toddler:

CUTE!

Parent:

Also yep.

Toddler:

Points at graphic.

Parent:

Let’s not discuss that part yet.

The Grandparents

Grandma:

Look how big you’ve gotten!

Toddler:

HI GRANDMA!

Grandma:

And what a cute little shirt!

Parent:

Here we go.

Grandma:

What’s the picture?

Parent:

Don’t get your glasses.

Grandma:

Why?

Parent:

Trust me.

Grandma:

Gets glasses.

Parent:

Of course.

Grandma:

…

Toddler:

GRANDMA!

Grandma:

Are those what I think they are?

Parent:

Probably.

Grandma:

Why?

Parent:

Humor.

Grandma:

Whose idea was this?

Parent:

Changes subject.

Want coffee?

Grandpa

Grandpa:

What’s everyone talking about?

Grandma:

The shirt.

Grandpa:

Looks.

Grandpa:

…

Parent:

Well?

Grandpa:

I’m staying out of this.

Parent:

Smart.

Grandma:

You’re no help.

Grandpa:

That’s intentional.

The Aunt

Aunt:

Oh my gosh!

That shirt!

Parent:

Yep.

Aunt:

That’s hilarious.

Grandma:

Do not encourage this.

Aunt:

Where did you get it?

Grandma:

I SAID DON’T ENCOURAGE THIS.

Toddler:

Laughs despite understanding none of it.

The Uncle

Uncle:

Nice shirt, kid.

Toddler:

THANK YOU!

Uncle:

Looks closer.

Uncle:

HAHAHAHA!

Grandma:

Not you too.

Uncle:

This is fantastic.

Parent:

Finally, someone understands.

The Cousin

Cousin:

I want that shirt.

Cousin’s Parent:

No.

Cousin:

Why?

Cousin’s Parent:

Because.

Cousin:

Why?

Cousin’s Parent:

Don’t start.

Your Toddler:

WHY?

Parent:

Oh no.

Family Gathering:

Now doomed.

The Family Photo

Photographer:

Everyone smile!

Family:

CHEESE!

Photographer:

Great!

Let’s put the little one in front.

Toddler:

Runs forward.

Photographer:

Perfect.

Looks through camera.

Photographer:

…

Parent:

Yep.

Photographer:

Is that—

Parent:

Yep.

Photographer:

Okay.

Honestly?

This is going to be memorable.

Grandma:

That’s what I’m afraid of.

The Holiday Card

Parent:

This photo turned out great.

Grandma:

We’re not using that one.

Parent:

Everyone is smiling.

Grandma:

Look at the shirt.

Parent:

It’s funny.

Grandma:

Not on the Christmas card.

Grandpa:

I vote yes.

Grandma:

Nobody asked you.

Grandpa:

Worth a try.

The Birthday Party

Parent:

Ready for cake?

Toddler:

CAKE!

Parent:

One piece.

Toddler:

BIG PIECE!

Parent:

Small piece.

Toddler:

BIG!

Parent:

Medium.

Toddler:

BIG!

Parent:

We have entered negotiations.

The Cake

Toddler:

MORE!

Parent:

You already had cake.

Toddler:

MORE CAKE!

Parent:

No.

Toddler:

Begins meltdown.

Parent:

Looks at shirt.

Parent:

Honestly, this feels like false advertising.

Friend:

How?

Parent:

Only two middle fingers?

The Balloon

Balloon:

Exists.

Toddler:

Mine.

Another Toddler:

Touches balloon.

Toddler:

MINE!

Parent:

We share.

Toddler:

NO SHARE!

Parent:

We’re working on that.

Shirt:

Not helping.

The Sharing Lesson

Parent:

Can your friend play with the truck?

Toddler:

NO.

Parent:

We share our toys.

Toddler:

MY TRUCK.

Parent:

Yes, but—

Toddler:

MY TRUCK!

Parent:

Strong opening position.

The Favorite Toy

Parent:

Where’s Bunny?

Toddler:

BUNNY!

Parent:

Where did you put Bunny?

Toddler:

DON’T KNOW!

Household:

Immediate emergency.

Parent:

Checks couch.

Bed.

Car.

Kitchen.

Bathroom.

Bunny:

Under toddler’s arm.

Parent:

Seriously?

Toddler:

BUNNY!

The Remote

Parent:

Where’s the remote?

Toddler:

DON’T KNOW.

Parent:

Did you have it?

Toddler:

NO.

Parent:

Are you sure?

Toddler:

NO.

Parent:

Finds remote in toy kitchen.

Parent:

Why?

Toddler:

COOKING.

Parent:

Reasonable.

The Phone

Parent:

Give me my phone.

Toddler:

MY PHONE.

Parent:

It’s literally my phone.

Toddler:

MY PHONE.

Parent:

Who pays for it?

Toddler:

ME!

Parent:

That is demonstrably false.

The Independence

Parent:

Need help?

Toddler:

I DO IT!

Parent:

Okay.

Toddler:

Struggles.

Parent:

Want help?

Toddler:

NO!

Toddler:

Struggles more.

Toddler:

HELP!

Parent:

Helps.

Toddler:

I DO IT!

Parent:

I need a flowchart.

The Confidence

Toddler:

ME DO!

Parent:

Okay.

Toddler:

Attempts impossible task.

Parent:

Need help?

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

You sure?

Toddler:

YES!

Thirty Seconds Later

Toddler:

MOMMMMMY!

Parent:

Coming.

The Tiny CEO

Toddler:

SNACK!

Parent:

Yes, boss.

Toddler:

JUICE!

Parent:

Yes, boss.

Toddler:

CARTOON!

Parent:

No.

Toddler:

CARTOON!

Parent:

Still no.

Toddler:

Looks deeply offended.

Parent:

I’ve challenged management.

The Household Hierarchy

Toddler:

CEO.

Dog:

Vice President of Floor Snacks.

Parent:

Operations.

Other Parent:

Assistant Operations.

Grandma:

Consultant.

Toddler:

Still CEO.

The Performance Review

Parent:

We need to discuss your performance.

Toddler:

SNACK?

Parent:

You’ve had several emotional incidents.

Toddler:

COOKIE?

Parent:

You’ve refused multiple reasonable requests.

Toddler:

CARTOON?

Parent:

And communication has been difficult.

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Meeting adjourned.

The Tantrum

Reason:

Unknown.

Volume:

Impressive.

Duration:

Longer than expected.

Audience:

Everyone.

Parent:

Do you want a hug?

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Want space?

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

What do you want?

Toddler:

NOOOOO!

Parent:

Understood.

The Floor

Toddler:

Lies dramatically on floor.

Parent:

Are we done?

Toddler:

NO!

Parent:

Okay.

Toddler:

Continues lying on floor.

Parent:

I’ll be over here.

Shirt:

🖕 🖕

Parent:

Brand consistency is excellent.

The Public Meltdown

Stranger:

Looks over.

Parent:

Smiles awkwardly.

Toddler:

NOOOOOOO!

Stranger:

Looks at shirt.

Stranger:

Starts laughing.

Parent:

At least somebody’s having fun.

The Recovery

Toddler:

Stops crying instantly.

Parent:

Are you okay?

Toddler:

YES!

Parent:

Just like that?

Toddler:

SNACK?

Parent:

Toddler emotions move quickly.

Five Minutes Later

Toddler:

Happiest person alive.

Parent:

Still emotionally recovering from previous incident.

Toddler:

LOOK!

A ROCK!

Parent:

Great rock.

Toddler:

BEST ROCK!

Parent:

We’re back.

The Sweet Moment

Toddler:

MOMMY?

Parent:

Yeah?

Toddler:

LOVE YOU.

Parent:

Immediately melts.

Toddler:

HUG?

Parent:

Always.

Thirty Seconds Later

Toddler:

COOKIE?

Parent:

Ah.

There it is.

The Personality

Friend:

Strong personality.

Parent:

Yep.

Friend:

Independent.

Parent:

Very.

Friend:

Determined.

Parent:

Extremely.

Friend:

Stubborn?

Parent:

We say “determined.”

Toddler:

NO!

Friend:

Perfect timing.

The Gift

Parent:

You got our toddler a shirt?

Friend:

Yep.

Parent:

Opens package.

Parent:

Oh no.

Friend:

Look at it.

Parent:

I am looking.

Friend:

It’s perfect.

Parent:

Unfortunately…

it really is.

Toddler:

MY SHIRT!

Parent:

See?

The Parent Gift

Friend:

I saw this and immediately thought of your kid.

Parent:

Should I be concerned?

Friend:

Probably.

Parent:

Opens gift.

Parent:

Ovaries giving two middle fingers.

Friend:

Yep.

Parent:

You know our family disturbingly well.

Friend:

Thank you.

Parent:

That wasn’t a compliment.

Friend:

Accepted anyway.

The Toddler Birthday Gift

Toddler:

SHIRT!

Parent:

Yep.

Toddler:

WEAR IT!

Parent:

Now?

Toddler:

NOW!

Parent:

At least they’re decisive.

Birthday?

TINY TEE. BIG ATTITUDE.

Family Vacation?

TINY TEE. BIG ATTITUDE.

Weekend Adventure?

TINY TEE. BIG ATTITUDE.

Funny Family Photo?

TINY TEE. BIG ATTITUDE.

Anatomy Nerd Family?

TINY TEE. BIG ATTITUDE.

Sarcastic Parents?

VERY TINY TEE. VERY BIG ATTITUDE.

Toddler Who Has Already Mastered the Word “NO”?

They may have found their shirt.

The Middle Finger Ovaries Toddler T-Shirt

A funny gift for:

Spirited toddlers.

Sassy toddlers.

Strong personalities.

Tiny comedians.

Little troublemakers.

Mini negotiators.

Snack enthusiasts.

Playground adventurers.

Tiny humans with enormous opinions.

Toddlers currently in their “NO” era.

Toddlers who insist on doing everything themselves.

Toddlers who immediately request help after insisting on doing everything themselves.

Toddlers who reject the snack they specifically requested.

Toddlers devastated by broken crackers.

Toddlers offended by peeled bananas.

Toddlers who request the blue cup.

Toddlers who become furious upon receiving the blue cup.

Toddlers who refuse naps.

Toddlers who desperately need naps.

Toddlers who take three-minute car naps and destroy the entire evening.

Toddlers who run away naked during clothing changes.

Toddlers who collect rocks.

Toddlers who collect sticks.

Toddlers who somehow lose one shoe while still inside the house.

Toddlers who consider bedtime a negotiation.

Toddlers who consider everything a negotiation.

Sarcastic parents.

Funny moms.

Funny dads.

Anatomy nerd families.

Biology geeks.

Science-loving families.

Healthcare families.

Nurses with toddlers.

Medical professionals with kids.

Cool aunts.

Funny uncles.

Grandparents with a strong sense of humor.

Parents tired of generic toddler graphic tees.

Families who appreciate weird artwork.

Families who appreciate a good double take.

And parents whose toddler may weigh thirty pounds…

but somehow carries the authority of a tiny dictator with a cracker dependency.

Toddler Status Report

SIZE: TINY.

ENERGY: INFINITE.

VOLUME: SURPRISING.

PERSONALITY: ENORMOUS.

OPINIONS: STRONG.

VOCABULARY: DEVELOPING.

“NO”: MASTERED.

“WHY?”: MASTERED.

“MINE”: MASTERED.

“I DO IT”: MASTERED.

OVARIES: ARTISTICALLY OPINIONATED.

MIDDLE FINGERS: TWO.

ATTITUDE: MAXIMUM.

100% COTTON: CONFIRMED.

COMFORT: READY.

SNACKS: REQUIRED.

FIRST SNACK: REJECTED.

SECOND SNACK: ALSO REJECTED.

THIRD SNACK: ACCEPTABLE.

BANANA: REQUESTED.

BANANA: PEELED.

BANANA: NOW UNACCEPTABLE.

CRACKER: BROKEN.

EMERGENCY: DECLARED.

BLUE CUP: REQUESTED.

BLUE CUP: PROVIDED.

BLUE CUP: SOMEHOW WRONG.

SHOES: REFUSED.

BOOTS: REQUESTED IN SUMMER.

SOCK: MISSING.

COAT: REFUSED.

TODDLER: COLD.

COAT: STILL REFUSED.

NAP: REFUSED.

NAP: DESPERATELY NEEDED.

CAR NAP: 4 MINUTES.

BEDTIME: NOW DESTROYED.

BATH: REFUSED.

BATH EXIT: ALSO REFUSED.

BEDTIME: NEGOTIATIONS ACTIVE.

BOOKS REQUESTED: 6.

WATER REQUESTS: 4.

HUG REQUESTS: 7.

ACTUAL SLEEP: PENDING.

PARENT: EXHAUSTED.

GRANDMA: CONFUSED.

GRANDPA: STAYING OUT OF IT.

AUNT: LAUGHING.

UNCLE: ENCOURAGING EVERYTHING.

STRANGER: DOING DOUBLE TAKE.

TANTRUM: COMPLETE.

REASON FOR TANTRUM: CLASSIFIED.

RECOVERY TIME: 14 SECONDS.

CURRENT ACTIVITY: COLLECTING ROCKS.

HOUSEHOLD CONTROL: ACHIEVED.

SUBTLETY: ZERO.

CUTENESS: MAXIMUM.

SIZE: TINY.

ATTITUDE: ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE.

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