Plant Mom – Unisex T-Shirt – Cute Houseplant – Gardening

PLANTS: WATERED.

LEAVES: CHECKED.

SOIL: INSPECTED.

SUNLIGHT: OPTIMIZED.

NEW LEAF: DETECTED.

EMOTIONAL REACTION: COMPLETELY REASONABLE.

AVAILABLE WINDOWSILLS: ZERO.

NEW PLANT PURCHASED ANYWAY: OBVIOUSLY.

Some people have houseplants.

And then there are…

PLANT MOMS.

There’s a difference.

Someone with houseplants occasionally remembers:

“Oh yeah, I should probably water that.”

A Plant Mom walks into the room every morning and immediately begins conducting wellness checks.

“How are we doing?”

“Need some water?”

“Getting enough light?”

“What’s happening with this leaf?”

“IS THAT A NEW SHOOT?!”

Suddenly you’re taking pictures.

Calling people over.

Sending updates to friends who absolutely did not request them.

“LOOK! SHE MADE A NEW LEAF!”

Your friend looks at the photo.

“That’s… a leaf.”

No.

It’s not a leaf.

It’s PROGRESS.

The Plant Mom Unisex T-Shirt celebrates everyone who has accidentally transformed their home into a miniature indoor jungle and is completely fine with that decision.

Featuring happy little houseplants in smiling pots alongside the phrase “Plant Mom,” this cute botanical tee is perfect for houseplant lovers, gardeners, green thumbs, nature enthusiasts, indoor-jungle builders, and anyone whose definition of “just browsing” at the garden center has never once been accurate.

They’re not just plants.

They’re family.

Very leafy, surprisingly demanding family.

Why You’ll Love It:

• Adorable Plant Mom Design – Happy little houseplants in smiling pots bring maximum botanical charm.
• Made for Plant Parents – Perfect for anyone who waters, rotates, repots, trims, photographs, encourages, and occasionally apologizes to their plants.
• Indoor Jungle Energy – Great for homes where every available patch of natural light has already been claimed by something green.
• Easygoing Unisex Style – Perfect for garden centers, farmers markets, plant swaps, nurseries, gardening days, coffee runs, and everyday wear.
• Instant Plant-Person Recognition – Fellow plant lovers will know immediately that they’ve found one of their people.
• Cute, Cozy & Playful – A cheerful design for anyone whose happiness increases proportionally with the number of plants in the room.
• Perfect Gift for Plant Lovers – Great for gardeners, houseplant collectors, botanical enthusiasts, new plant parents, green thumbs, and that friend who absolutely does not need another pothos but is going to buy one anyway.

The Shirt

Friend:

Plant Mom?

You:

Yep.

Friend:

How many plants do you have?

You:

Define “have.”

Friend:

Own.

You:

Define “own.”

Friend:

How many plants are currently living in your house?

You:

…

Friend:

You don’t know, do you?

You:

Numbers create unnecessary limitations.

The Plant Mom

Friend:

They’re plants.

You:

Correct.

Friend:

You call them your children.

You:

Correct.

Friend:

They don’t know who you are.

You:

You don’t know that.

Friend:

They’re PLANTS.

You:

And they’re doing their best.

The Morning Routine

You:

Good morning!

Plant:

…

You:

How are we feeling today?

Plant:

…

You:

Looking good.

Plant:

…

You:

Is that leaf new?

Plant:

…

You:

OH MY GOD.

Partner:

Who are you talking to?

You:

The family.

Partner:

They’re plants.

You:

Please don’t say that in front of them.

The Roll Call

You:

Good morning, Fern.

Fern:

…

You:

Morning, Phil.

Philodendron:

…

You:

Looking good, Monstera.

Monstera:

…

Partner:

You named all of them?

You:

Not all.

Partner:

Oh.

You:

Some came with names emotionally.

Partner:

I have questions.

You:

They’re private family matters.

The Naming Process

Friend:

What did you name this one?

You:

Gerald.

Friend:

Why Gerald?

You:

Look at him.

Friend:

I’m looking.

You:

He’s obviously a Gerald.

Friend:

He’s a pothos.

You:

His SPECIES is pothos.

His NAME is Gerald.

Friend:

Right.

Sorry, Gerald.

You:

Thank you.

The New Leaf

You:

GASPS.

Partner:

What happened?!

You:

COME HERE.

Partner:

What?!

You:

LOOK.

Partner:

At what?

You:

RIGHT THERE.

Partner:

…

You:

THE NEW LEAF.

Partner:

Oh.

You:

“OH?”

Partner:

It’s nice.

You:

NICE?!

Partner:

Very nice?

You:

Take a picture.

Partner:

You already have your phone.

You:

I need one with me pointing at it.

The New Leaf Announcement

Group Chat:

Quiet.

You:

Sends photo.

You:

WE HAVE A NEW LEAF!!!

Friend One:

Congrats?

Friend Two:

Is that the same plant from last week?

You:

Yes.

Friend Two:

Didn’t it already have leaves?

You:

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.

Friend Three:

I’m happy for you.

You:

Thank you.

Finally.

Support.

Plant Milestone

Plant:

Produces leaf.

You:

Takes 14 photos.

Plant:

…

You:

Sends 6 to friend.

Friend:

It’s beautiful.

You:

Which picture?

Friend:

They’re all basically—

Friend:

Stops typing.

Friend:

Number four.

You:

I knew it.

The First Plant

Friend:

How did this start?

You:

One plant.

Friend:

Just one?

You:

Just one.

Friend:

And then?

You:

It looked lonely.

Friend:

So you bought another?

You:

Obviously.

Friend:

Then?

You:

Those two looked lonely.

Friend:

I see the problem.

You:

There is no problem.

The Second Plant

You:

One more.

Partner:

You said that last time.

You:

This one’s different.

Partner:

How?

You:

Different leaves.

Partner:

They all have leaves.

You:

I can’t discuss this with you.

The Fifth Plant

Partner:

Another plant?

You:

Small one.

Partner:

You said no more plants.

You:

I said no more BIG plants.

Partner:

You absolutely did not include that qualifier.

You:

It was implied.

The Tenth Plant

Friend:

You have ten plants now?

You:

Maybe.

Friend:

That’s a lot.

You:

No.

Friend:

What’s a lot?

You:

I’ll let you know when we get there.

The Twentieth Plant

Friend:

We’re there.

You:

Where?

Friend:

“A lot.”

You:

Strongly disagree.

The Plant Count

Partner:

How many plants do we have?

You:

We?

Partner:

Fine.

How many plants do YOU have?

You:

Why?

Partner:

I’m curious.

You:

That’s how counting starts.

Partner:

Yes.

That’s generally how counting works.

You:

I don’t like where this is going.

The Inventory

Partner:

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

You:

Please stop.

Partner:

Five.

Six.

Seven.

You:

You’re making them nervous.

Partner:

They’re not nervous.

You:

You don’t know them like I do.

The Garden Center

Friend:

We’re only here for soil.

You:

Correct.

Friend:

SOIL.

You:

Yes.

Friend:

Not plants.

You:

Correct.

Friend:

Promise?

You:

Absolutely.

Twenty Minutes Later

Friend:

Why are you holding three plants?

You:

Circumstances changed.

Friend:

WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES?

You:

They were here.

The Nursery

Employee:

Can I help you find anything?

You:

Just looking.

Friend:

No, they’re not.

You:

Excuse me?

Friend:

They will be purchasing plants.

You:

We don’t know that.

Friend:

I’ve seen this before.

Employee:

Want a cart?

Friend:

Yes.

You:

…

Friend:

See?

The Cart

You:

I don’t need a cart.

Employee:

Okay.

Five Minutes Later

You:

Actually…

Employee:

Cart?

You:

Please.

Friend:

Called it.

The “Just Browsing” Lie

Partner:

Where are you going?

You:

Garden center.

Partner:

For what?

You:

Just browsing.

Partner:

Should I clear space at home?

You:

That’s insulting.

Two Hours Later

Partner:

Moves books from shelf.

You:

What are you doing?

Partner:

Preparing.

You:

…

Partner:

How many?

You:

Two.

Partner:

I know you.

The Sale

Sign:

PLANTS 30% OFF

You:

Stops walking.

Friend:

No.

You:

I didn’t say anything.

Friend:

Your face did.

You:

Thirty percent.

Friend:

You don’t need another plant.

You:

At that price?

Friend:

That’s not how “need” works.

You:

Economics says otherwise.

Plant Economics

Plant:

$20.

Sale:

30% off.

You:

Basically free.

Friend:

That’s not remotely free.

You:

Compared to full price?

Friend:

Still money.

You:

I don’t need this negativity.

The Clearance Rack

You:

Oh no.

Friend:

What?

You:

Clearance plants.

Friend:

Keep walking.

You:

They need homes.

Friend:

They are products at a store.

You:

LOOK AT THEM.

Friend:

No.

You:

This one needs me.

Friend:

It absolutely does not know you exist.

You:

Yet.

The Rescue

You:

Look at this poor thing.

Friend:

It has two brown leaves.

You:

Exactly.

Friend:

Put it down.

You:

I can save it.

Friend:

You came here for potting soil.

You:

Plans change.

Friend:

Every single time.

The Plant Rescue Mission

Partner:

What’s that?

You:

A rescue.

Partner:

From where?

You:

Clearance section.

Partner:

So you bought another plant.

You:

I SAVED another plant.

Partner:

How much?

You:

We’re focusing on the wrong part of the story.

The Brown Leaf

You:

What happened?

Plant:

…

You:

We were doing so well.

Plant:

…

You:

Is it water?

Plant:

…

You:

Light?

Plant:

…

You:

Humidity?

Plant:

…

You:

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Partner:

Everything okay?

You:

No.

Partner:

Plant?

You:

Plant.

The Yellow Leaf

You:

Yellow leaf.

Friend:

Okay.

You:

YELLOW.

LEAF.

Friend:

What does that mean?

You:

Could be overwatering.

Underwatering.

Light.

Nutrients.

Natural aging.

Stress.

Friend:

So basically anything?

You:

YES.

Friend:

Helpful.

You:

WELCOME TO PLANT PARENTHOOD.

The Google Search

Search:

“Why is my plant leaf yellow?”

Internet:

Overwatering.

Underwatering.

Too much sun.

Not enough sun.

Nutrient deficiency.

Normal leaf aging.

Stress.

You:

THANKS.

Internet:

You’re welcome.

You:

THAT WAS SARCASM.

Plant Diagnosis

Friend:

What’s wrong with it?

You:

I don’t know.

Friend:

Have you checked the soil?

You:

Yes.

Friend:

Light?

You:

Yes.

Friend:

Roots?

You:

Yes.

Friend:

Maybe it’s just having a bad day.

You:

Honestly, relatable.

The Moisture Check

You:

Touches soil.

Partner:

What are you doing?

You:

Checking moisture.

Partner:

Didn’t you do that yesterday?

You:

Conditions change.

Partner:

In twenty-four hours?

You:

YES.

Partner:

Okay.

You:

Thank you.

The Finger Test

Friend:

Why are you sticking your finger in the dirt?

You:

Moisture check.

Friend:

You could buy a meter.

You:

I have one.

Friend:

Then why—

You:

I don’t trust it.

Friend:

But you trust your finger?

You:

We’ve been together a long time.

The Watering Schedule

Friend:

When do you water your plants?

You:

When they need water.

Friend:

So every Tuesday?

You:

No.

Friend:

Every week?

You:

Not necessarily.

Friend:

Then how do you know?

You:

I check them.

Friend:

All of them?

You:

Obviously.

Friend:

How long does that take?

You:

We don’t measure love in minutes.

The Watering Can

Partner:

Why do you need another watering can?

You:

This one’s cute.

Partner:

The other one works.

You:

That’s not the issue.

Partner:

What is the issue?

You:

Look at it.

Partner:

It’s a watering can.

You:

Exactly.

The Fancy Watering Can

Friend:

That’s a nice watering can.

You:

Thank you.

Friend:

Did you need it?

You:

We’re not doing this.

Friend:

How many do you own?

You:

Next question.

The Plant Mister

Partner:

Are you spraying the plants?

You:

Misting.

Partner:

Why?

You:

Humidity.

Partner:

Does it work?

You:

This is a complicated discussion.

Partner:

So you’re not sure.

You:

I’m creating an atmosphere.

The Humidifier

Partner:

Why is there a humidifier next to the plants?

You:

They like humidity.

Partner:

I like humidity.

You:

No you don’t.

Partner:

True.

You:

See?

Plants have different needs.

The Bathroom Plant

Partner:

Why is there a plant in the bathroom?

You:

Humidity.

Partner:

There’s barely room on the counter.

You:

It likes it here.

Partner:

Did it tell you?

You:

Look at those leaves.

Partner:

I’m going to stop asking questions.

The Shower

You:

Takes plant into bathroom.

Partner:

What are you doing?

You:

Plant shower.

Partner:

I’m sorry?

You:

Cleaning leaves.

Partner:

You shower your plants?

You:

Don’t make it weird.

Partner:

I didn’t.

You:

Your face did.

The Leaf Cleaning

Friend:

You’re wiping the leaves?

You:

Dust.

Friend:

Plants get dusty?

You:

Everything gets dusty.

Friend:

That’s annoyingly logical.

You:

Hold this.

Friend:

Why am I involved now?

You:

You’ve entered the greenhouse zone.

The Window

Partner:

I can’t see out the window.

You:

Why?

Partner:

Plants.

You:

Oh.

Partner:

There are nine plants in front of it.

You:

Best light.

Partner:

I’d also like light.

You:

You can move.

Partner:

THE PLANTS CAN MOVE.

You:

They were here first.

Partner:

No they weren’t!

Window Real Estate

Plant One:

South-facing window.

Plant Two:

South-facing window.

Plant Three:

South-facing window.

Partner:

Can I put something here?

You:

No.

Partner:

It’s my desk.

You:

It’s premium plant real estate.

Partner:

I bought the desk.

You:

And now it serves a higher purpose.

The Sunbeam

Cat:

Sees sunny window.

Plant:

Already there.

Cat:

…

Plant:

…

Cat:

I require this location.

Plant:

…

Cat:

Knocks plant.

You:

NOOOOO.

The Cat

You:

Why?

Cat:

…

You:

You have the whole house.

Cat:

…

You:

Why THAT pot?

Cat:

…

You:

We need boundaries.

Cat:

Pushes leaf.

You:

I see we’re not negotiating.

The Pet and Plant Household

Friend:

How do you manage pets and plants?

You:

Strategy.

Friend:

Meaning?

You:

High shelves.

Closed doors.

Constant vigilance.

Friend:

Sounds relaxing.

You:

It isn’t.

The Shelf

Partner:

Books used to go there.

You:

I remember.

Partner:

Now it’s plants.

You:

Better.

Partner:

I liked the books.

You:

They’re on the floor.

Partner:

THAT’S NOT BETTER.

The Bookshelf

Book:

Excuse me.

Plant:

…

Book:

This was my shelf.

Plant:

…

Book:

I’ve been here for years.

Plant:

…

Book:

Fine.

You:

See?

Everyone adjusted.

The Coffee Table

Partner:

Can we put coffee on the coffee table?

You:

Carefully.

Partner:

There are five plants on it.

You:

Four.

Partner:

What’s that?

You:

Propagation jar.

Partner:

So five.

You:

Technically.

The Dining Table

Partner:

Where do we eat?

You:

Right there.

Partner:

That’s a plant.

You:

Move it temporarily.

Partner:

Where?

You:

…

Partner:

Exactly.

The Propagation

Friend:

What’s that glass of water?

You:

Propagation.

Friend:

What’s in it?

You:

Cutting.

Friend:

So it’s another plant?

You:

Eventually.

Friend:

YOU’RE MAKING THEM NOW?

You:

This changes everything, doesn’t it?

Friend:

I’m terrified.

Propagation Station

Cutting One:

Rooting.

Cutting Two:

Rooting.

Cutting Three:

Thinking about rooting.

You:

Come on.

You can do it.

Partner:

Are you encouraging a stick in water?

You:

It’s not a stick.

Partner:

I’m sorry.

You:

Thank you.

The First Root

You:

GASPS.

Partner:

What now?

You:

ROOT.

Partner:

What?

You:

WE HAVE A ROOT.

Partner:

Oh.

You:

Do you understand what this means?

Partner:

Another plant?

You:

ANOTHER PLANT.

Partner:

That’s what I was afraid of.

The Propagation Math

One Plant:

Produces cutting.

Cutting:

Produces roots.

You:

Free plant.

Partner:

Not free.

You:

How isn’t it free?

Partner:

New pot.

New soil.

New shelf.

New plant stand.

You:

You’re ruining the magic.

The Plant Stand

Partner:

Another piece of furniture?

You:

Plant stand.

Partner:

We don’t have room.

You:

This CREATES room.

Partner:

By taking up room.

You:

Vertically.

Partner:

That’s still room.

You:

You’re being difficult.

The Hanging Plant

Friend:

Where are you putting that one?

You:

Ceiling.

Friend:

You’ve run out of horizontal surfaces?

You:

We don’t need to phrase it negatively.

Friend:

You’ve begun colonizing vertical space.

You:

Innovation.

The Macramé Hanger

Partner:

What’s this?

You:

Plant hanger.

Partner:

Another one?

You:

This one matches the room.

Partner:

The room is now entirely plants.

You:

Exactly.

It matches perfectly.

The Repotting

You:

Today we repot.

Partner:

“We?”

You:

Moral support.

Partner:

For you?

You:

For both of us.

Partner:

The plant doesn’t know what’s happening.

You:

That’s why this is stressful.

The Root Ball

Friend:

Why are you staring at the roots?

You:

Health inspection.

Friend:

They look like roots.

You:

Good.

Friend:

What would bad roots look like?

You:

You don’t want to know.

Friend:

Now I definitely don’t.

The Pot

You:

Needs a bigger pot.

Partner:

Didn’t you just buy that pot?

You:

Growth.

Partner:

Already?

You:

They’re thriving.

Partner:

So thriving costs money?

You:

Apparently.

The Decorative Pot

Partner:

We have pots.

You:

Not this pot.

Partner:

What’s special about it?

You:

Look at the face.

Partner:

It’s smiling.

You:

EXACTLY.

Partner:

You’re buying it.

You:

Obviously.

The Pot Collection

Friend:

Why do you have empty pots?

You:

Future planning.

Friend:

For future plants?

You:

Yes.

Friend:

So you’ve already planned plants you don’t own?

You:

Preparedness is a virtue.

The Pot With No Drainage

You:

Cute pot!

Experienced Plant Friend:

Drainage hole?

You:

…

Friend:

Drainage hole?

You:

But look how cute it is.

Friend:

DRAINAGE.

You:

Fine.

The Plant Friend

Friend:

You need to repot that.

You:

I know.

Friend:

And move that one.

You:

I know.

Friend:

And that one’s getting leggy.

You:

I KNOW.

Partner:

What language are you two speaking?

Both:

Plants.

Plant People Meeting

Person One:

Monstera?

Person Two:

Three.

Person One:

Pothos?

Person Two:

Obviously.

Person One:

Snake plant?

Person Two:

Several.

Person One:

Propagation station?

Person Two:

Kitchen window.

Both:

Instant friendship.

The Plant Swap

Friend:

What did you bring?

You:

Cuttings.

Friend:

What are you taking home?

You:

Nothing.

Friend:

Really?

Thirty Minutes Later

Friend:

You have six new plants.

You:

I misunderstood the question.

The Swap Table

You:

I don’t need anything.

Plant:

Exists.

You:

…

Friend:

Don’t.

You:

But—

Friend:

You said nothing.

You:

That was before I met her.

The Rare Plant

Friend:

Why is that plant so expensive?

You:

Rare variety.

Friend:

It has leaves.

You:

SPECIAL leaves.

Friend:

How special?

You:

Please stop asking financial questions.

The Wishlist Plant

Friend:

You already have that plant.

You:

Different variety.

Friend:

Looks similar.

You:

It’s completely different.

Friend:

How?

You:

The variegation.

Friend:

The what?

You:

We don’t have enough time.

The Variegation

Friend:

That leaf has white on it.

You:

Yes.

Friend:

Is that good?

You:

LOOK AT IT.

Friend:

I’m looking.

You:

ISN’T IT BEAUTIFUL?

Friend:

I’m afraid to answer incorrectly.

You:

Good instinct.

The Expensive Leaf

Friend:

How much did that cost?

You:

Why?

Friend:

Curious.

You:

Curiosity is dangerous.

Friend:

How much?

You:

We’re focusing on happiness today.

The Receipt

Partner:

What’s this charge?

You:

Plant.

Partner:

That much?

You:

Plant-related.

Partner:

What does “plant-related” mean?

You:

Plant.

Pot.

Soil.

Stand.

Partner:

Anything else?

You:

Emotional fulfillment.

Partner:

That wasn’t on the receipt.

You:

Included free.

Plant Budget

You:

No plants this month.

Friend:

Good plan.

You:

Need to save money.

Friend:

Responsible.

Garden Center:

SALE.

You:

…

Friend:

Keep walking.

You:

I can’t hear you.

Friend:

We’re texting.

You:

Signal’s bad.

The Wishlist

Partner:

What’s that list?

You:

Plants I want.

Partner:

It’s three pages.

You:

Organized by priority.

Partner:

You already have dozens.

You:

And?

Partner:

Nothing.

I’ve learned.

The Plant App

Friend:

What’s that notification?

You:

Watering reminder.

Friend:

You have an app?

You:

Yes.

Friend:

For your plants?

You:

Yes.

Friend:

Do you have reminders for yourself?

You:

…

Friend:

Thought so.

Self-Care vs. Plant Care

Phone:

Drink water.

You:

Dismiss.

Plant:

Slightly droopy.

You:

OH NO.

HYDRATION EMERGENCY.

Friend:

You see the irony?

You:

No time.

The Vacation

Partner:

Ready to leave?

You:

Almost.

Partner:

Bags packed?

You:

Yes.

Partner:

Doors locked?

You:

Yes.

Partner:

Plants?

You:

…

Partner:

You forgot to arrange plant care.

You:

WE CAN’T LEAVE.

The Plant Sitter

You:

Okay.

This one likes bright indirect light.

Friend:

Okay.

You:

This one likes to dry out more.

Friend:

Okay.

You:

Don’t overwater this one.

Friend:

Okay.

You:

This one is dramatic.

Friend:

Dramatic?

You:

You’ll understand.

Friend:

It’s a plant.

You:

You’ll understand.

The Instructions

Friend:

Why is this plant-sitting guide six pages?

You:

Details matter.

Friend:

There’s a diagram.

You:

Window positions.

Friend:

And a watering chart.

You:

Yes.

Friend:

And emergency contacts?

You:

Plant emergency contacts.

Friend:

I regret agreeing to this.

Vacation Check-In

You:

How are the plants?

Friend:

Fine.

You:

Photos?

Friend:

Seriously?

You:

Please.

Friend:

Sends photo.

You:

Why is Gerald over there?

Friend:

WHO IS GERALD?

You:

THE POTHOS.

Friend:

I need a vacation from your vacation.

Coming Home

You:

Opens door.

You:

HELLO, BABIES.

Partner:

We’re home too.

You:

I know.

Partner:

You greeted the plants first.

You:

They couldn’t text me.

Partner:

Neither did I.

You:

You were sitting next to me.

Winter

You:

Why are you unhappy?

Plant:

…

You:

Is it the light?

Plant:

…

You:

It’s the light.

Partner:

It’s December.

You:

I know.

Partner:

Sun does that.

You:

We need grow lights.

Partner:

Of course we do.

The Grow Light

Partner:

Why is the living room glowing?

You:

Plants.

Partner:

It looks like a spaceship.

You:

Healthy spaceship.

Partner:

Neighbors are going to ask questions.

You:

Tell them photosynthesis.

Spring

You:

They’re growing!

Friend:

Plants tend to do that.

You:

Not like THIS.

Friend:

What’s different?

You:

Everything.

Friend:

I regret asking.

You:

Come look at this leaf.

Friend:

Of course.

Summer

Partner:

Can we put some plants outside?

You:

Maybe.

Partner:

More room inside.

You:

That’s not why.

Partner:

No?

You:

They’ll enjoy the weather.

Partner:

And we’ll have more room.

You:

Temporarily.

Partner:

Why temporarily?

You:

Don’t worry about it.

Fall

Friend:

What happens when the outdoor plants come back inside?

You:

We make room.

Friend:

Where?

You:

We’ll figure it out.

Friend:

That sounds ominous.

You:

It’s fine.

The Indoor Jungle

Visitor:

Wow.

You have a lot of plants.

You:

Thanks!

Visitor:

It feels like a jungle.

You:

THANK YOU.

Visitor:

That wasn’t—

You:

Best compliment I’ve received all week.

The Jungle

Partner:

I can’t find the remote.

You:

Check under the plant.

Partner:

Which plant?

You:

The one by the couch.

Partner:

THERE ARE SEVEN BY THE COUCH.

You:

Tall one.

Partner:

THREE ARE TALL.

You:

I’ll get it.

The Home Tour

Guest:

Nice place.

You:

Thanks.

Guest:

That’s a lot of plants.

You:

Thanks.

Guest:

And more over there.

You:

Yep.

Guest:

And in the kitchen.

You:

Yep.

Guest:

And bathroom.

You:

Humidity.

Guest:

Of course.

The Interior Design

Friend:

What’s your decorating style?

You:

Plants.

Friend:

No, like modern?

Bohemian?

Minimalist?

You:

Plants.

Friend:

That’s not a design style.

You:

Look around.

Friend:

I stand corrected.

Minimalism

Friend:

Have you considered minimalism?

You:

Yes.

Friend:

Really?

You:

One time.

Friend:

And?

You:

Bought another plant.

Friend:

That tracks.

Decluttering

Partner:

We should declutter.

You:

Agreed.

Partner:

Great.

You:

We can remove some furniture.

Partner:

I meant plants.

You:

Absolutely not.

Partner:

Why furniture?

You:

More plant space.

Partner:

This conversation is over.

The Empty Corner

You:

Stares.

Partner:

What?

You:

Nothing.

Partner:

You’re staring at that corner.

You:

Just thinking.

Partner:

No.

You:

I haven’t said anything.

Partner:

No plant.

You:

But—

Partner:

NO.

You:

It would look perfect.

The New Plant Stand

Partner:

What’s in the box?

You:

Furniture.

Partner:

What kind?

You:

Stand.

Partner:

For plants?

You:

Maybe.

Partner:

Definitely.

You:

Definitely.

The Office Plant

Coworker:

You brought a plant?

You:

Desk needed life.

Coworker:

Looks nice.

One Month Later

Coworker:

How many plants are on your desk now?

You:

Four.

Coworker:

Your keyboard barely fits.

You:

Priorities.

The Coworker

Coworker:

My plant is dying.

You:

What kind?

Coworker:

I don’t know.

You:

How often do you water it?

Coworker:

Every day.

You:

…

Coworker:

What?

You:

We need to talk.

Plant Consultation

Coworker:

Can you look at my plant?

You:

Sure.

Coworker:

What’s wrong?

You:

How much time do you have?

Coworker:

That bad?

You:

Let’s start with drainage.

Coworker:

I knew asking you would become a lecture.

You:

You came to the Plant Mom.

The Office Reputation

Coworker:

Who should I ask about plants?

Entire Office:

Points at you.

You:

Finally.

My expertise is recognized.

Boss:

Can you save the lobby plant?

You:

Bring me to the patient.

The Lobby Plant

You:

Examines soil.

Boss:

Well?

You:

Who has been watering this?

Everyone:

Silence.

You:

Exactly.

The Plant Doctor

Friend:

Can you diagnose mine?

You:

I’m not a plant doctor.

Friend:

You own forty plants.

You:

That doesn’t make me qualified.

Friend:

You have opinions.

You:

Oh, I have MANY opinions.

Friend:

Close enough.

The Beginner Plant Parent

Friend:

I bought my first plant!

You:

YES.

Friend:

Any advice?

You:

What kind?

Friend:

I don’t know.

You:

Photo.

Friend:

Sends photo.

You:

Okay.

First—

Friend:

Why do I suddenly feel like I’ve enrolled in a course?

You:

Welcome.

The Beginner’s First New Leaf

Friend:

IT MADE A NEW LEAF!

You:

YES!

Friend:

I GET IT NOW.

You:

YES!

Friend:

WHY IS THIS SO EXCITING?!

You:

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY.

The Conversion

Friend:

I don’t understand plant people.

You:

That’s okay.

Three Months Later

Friend:

LOOK AT MY MONSTERA.

You:

There it is.

Friend:

WHAT?

You:

Nothing.

Friend:

SHE HAS A NEW LEAF.

You:

I’m very proud of you.

The Plant Enabler

Friend:

Should I buy this?

You:

Yes.

Friend:

You didn’t even look.

You:

Plant?

Friend:

Yes.

You:

Then yes.

Friend:

You’re supposed to stop me.

You:

You contacted the wrong person.

The Wrong Shopping Buddy

Friend:

Do NOT let me buy a plant.

You:

Okay.

Ten Minutes Later

Friend:

What about this one?

You:

Beautiful.

Friend:

You were supposed to stop me.

You:

I’m weak.

Friend:

We’re both terrible at this.

You:

Get the cart.

The Plant Store Friendship

Friend:

We should hang out.

You:

Nursery?

Friend:

Obviously.

You:

Coffee first?

Friend:

Obviously.

You:

Perfect day.

The Farmers Market

Friend:

Flowers?

You:

Nice.

Friend:

Vegetables?

You:

Nice.

Friend:

Houseplant booth?

You:

STOP WALKING.

Friend:

I knew that would work.

The Plant Fair

Friend:

We don’t need anything.

You:

Correct.

Friend:

We’re just looking.

You:

Correct.

Friend:

We’re not buying.

You:

Correct.

One Hour Later

Friend:

We failed.

You:

Spectacularly.

The Garden

Friend:

I thought you were a houseplant person.

You:

Plants are plants.

Friend:

So now you’re gardening too?

You:

Apparently.

Friend:

This is expanding.

You:

Growth is natural.

Friend:

Did you just make a plant pun?

You:

Maybe.

The Garden Center Outdoor Section

You:

Oh no.

Partner:

What now?

You:

Outdoor plants.

Partner:

We came for houseplant soil.

You:

Plants don’t respect categories.

Partner:

Stores do.

You:

I’m going to look.

Partner:

Of course you are.

The Garden

You:

Plants seedling.

Partner:

How many did you buy?

You:

Six.

Partner:

How many fit?

You:

We’ll discover that together.

Partner:

That means fewer than six fit.

You:

Let’s remain optimistic.

The Green Thumb

Friend:

You have such a green thumb.

You:

Thanks.

Friend:

Everything grows for you.

You:

We don’t talk about the casualties.

Friend:

Casualties?

You:

Every Plant Mom has history.

Friend:

Oh.

You:

We honor them by learning.

The Plant That Didn’t Make It

You:

I tried.

Partner:

I know.

You:

Everything seemed fine.

Partner:

It happens.

You:

I changed the light.

Partner:

I know.

You:

Adjusted watering.

Partner:

I know.

You:

Maybe—

Partner:

Do not blame yourself over a houseplant.

You:

Fine.

One Week Later

You:

Bought replacement.

Partner:

There it is.

The Dramatic Plant

Plant:

Droops.

You:

OH NO.

You:

Waters.

Two Hours Later

Plant:

Perfect.

You:

You could have just asked.

Partner:

It kind of did.

You:

Dramatically.

Partner:

Takes after you.

You:

Excuse me?

The Peace Lily

Plant:

Slightly thirsty.

Plant:

COLLAPSES THEATRICALLY.

You:

OH MY GOD.

Plant:

Water please.

You:

You don’t have to make everything an emergency.

Partner:

Again.

Takes after you.

You:

I heard you the first time.

The Succulent

Friend:

Succulents are easy, right?

You:

Define easy.

Friend:

Low maintenance.

You:

Define low maintenance.

Friend:

I’m getting worried.

You:

Just don’t love it to death.

Friend:

What does that mean?

You:

Put down the watering can.

The Overwaterer

Friend:

I water mine every day.

You:

Please stop.

Friend:

It looked thirsty.

You:

Every day?

Friend:

Yes.

You:

Give me the watering can.

Friend:

Why?

You:

Intervention.

The Underwaterer

Friend:

I forgot mine existed.

You:

For how long?

Friend:

…

You:

HOW LONG?

Friend:

A while.

You:

Show me.

Friend:

Sends photo.

You:

Oh, buddy.

The Snake Plant

Friend:

I forgot to water it.

You:

When did you last water?

Friend:

I don’t remember.

Plant:

Still alive.

You:

Legend.

Friend:

Me?

You:

The plant.

The Pothos

Friend:

Why does everyone have a pothos?

You:

Because pothos.

Friend:

That’s not an answer.

You:

It is among plant people.

Friend:

I don’t understand.

You:

You will.

The Monstera

Friend:

Why are the leaves split?

You:

Fenestrations.

Friend:

Gesundheit.

You:

No.

Friend:

What?

You:

Never mind.

The Fern

You:

Why are you crispy?

Fern:

…

You:

I gave you humidity.

Fern:

…

You:

I watered you.

Fern:

…

You:

WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?

Partner:

Plant problems?

You:

Fern problems.

Partner:

Specific.

You:

VERY.

The Orchid

Friend:

Pretty orchid.

You:

Thanks.

Friend:

Easy?

You:

Next question.

Friend:

That bad?

You:

We have a complicated relationship.

The Cactus

Friend:

At least cactus is easy.

You:

Don’t say that out loud.

Friend:

Why?

You:

They hear confidence.

Friend:

Plants cannot—

You:

DON’T.

The Plant Mom Shirt at the Nursery

Employee:

I like your shirt.

You:

Thanks.

Employee:

Plant Mom?

You:

Yep.

Employee:

How many?

You:

You know better than to ask that.

Employee:

Fair.

You:

How many do YOU have?

Employee:

I also don’t count.

You:

My people.

The Plant Mom Shirt at the Garden Center

Stranger:

Love the shirt.

You:

Thanks.

Stranger:

I’m a Plant Mom too.

You:

Nice!

Stranger:

Pothos?

You:

Yep.

Stranger:

Monstera?

You:

Yep.

Stranger:

Too many propagation jars?

You:

Define “too many.”

Stranger:

Exactly.

Friendship:

ESTABLISHED.

The Plant Mom Gift

Recipient:

You got me a shirt?

You:

Yep.

Recipient:

Plant Mom!

You:

Thought it fit.

Recipient:

Looks at room full of plants.

Recipient:

What gave you that idea?

You:

Lucky guess.

Recipient:

I love it.

Gift:

SUCCESSFUL.

The Houseplant Lover Gift

Recipient:

Happy little plants!

You:

Yep.

Recipient:

They’re in smiling pots!

You:

Yep.

Recipient:

This is adorable.

You:

I knew you’d like it.

Recipient:

I’m wearing it to the nursery.

You:

Correct answer.

The Gardener Gift

Gardener:

Plant Mom?

You:

Yep.

Gardener:

Perfect.

You:

Thought so.

Gardener:

Can I wear it while gardening?

You:

That’s practically required.

Gardener:

Excellent.

The New Plant Parent Gift

Friend:

I only have two plants.

You:

For now.

Friend:

What does that mean?

You:

Nothing.

Friend:

Why are you smiling?

You:

You’ll see.

Six Months Later

Friend:

I HAVE TWENTY-THREE.

You:

There it is.

Birthday?

PLANT MOM.

Mother’s Day for the Plant-Obsessed Friend?

PLANT MOM.

Housewarming?

PLANT MOM.

Garden Center Trip?

PLANT MOM.

Plant Swap?

PLANT MOM.

Farmers Market?

PLANT MOM.

Gardening Day?

PLANT MOM.

New Apartment With Good Windows?

DANGEROUSLY PLANT MOM.

Empty Shelf?

Not for long.

The Plant Mom Unisex T-Shirt

A cute botanical gift for:

Plant moms.

Plant parents.

Houseplant lovers.

Gardeners.

Garden enthusiasts.

Indoor gardeners.

Nature lovers.

Botanical enthusiasts.

Green thumbs.

Aspiring green thumbs.

Plant collectors.

Plant-shop regulars.

Nursery regulars.

Garden-center regulars.

Plant-swap enthusiasts.

Propagation enthusiasts.

Pothos lovers.

Monstera lovers.

Fern lovers.

Succulent collectors.

Cactus fans.

Orchid enthusiasts.

People who name their plants.

People who talk to their plants.

People who sing to their plants.

People who apologize to their plants.

People who tell their plants they’re doing a good job.

People who celebrate new leaves.

People who photograph new leaves.

People who send those photographs to friends.

People whose friends have learned to respond enthusiastically to new-leaf photographs.

People who check soil moisture with their fingers.

People who own moisture meters but don’t entirely trust them.

People who have multiple watering cans.

People who bought a watering can because it was cute.

People who mist things.

People who own humidifiers primarily for plants.

People whose best windows belong to plants.

People whose shelves belong to plants.

People whose tables are slowly becoming plant shelves.

People whose books have been displaced by plants.

People who hang plants because horizontal space has run out.

People who call this “vertical gardening” instead of “running out of room.”

People with propagation jars in every window.

People who get excited about roots growing in water.

People who make free plants from existing plants.

People who then spend money on pots for their “free” plants.

People who own more pots than they currently need.

People who consider empty pots future planning.

People who go to the garden center “just for soil.”

People who return with soil and three plants.

People who go to the nursery “just to browse.”

People who require a cart.

People who cannot emotionally handle the clearance plant section.

People who believe every sad plant deserves another chance.

People who see an empty corner and immediately imagine a plant there.

People who have purchased furniture specifically for plants.

People who call that furniture “plant stands” as though this makes it different.

People who arrange vacations around plant care.

People who leave multi-page instructions for plant sitters.

People who request plant photos while traveling.

People who greet their plants after returning home.

People who have said:

“IS THAT A NEW LEAF?!”

with considerably more excitement than the situation objectively required.

People who understand that there is no such thing as “just one houseplant.”

And anyone whose home can best be described as:

“Technically indoors, emotionally a greenhouse.”

Plant Mom Status Report

PLANTS: PRESENT.

PLANT COUNT: CLASSIFIED.

HOUSEPLANTS: THRIVING.

PLANT MOM: PROUD.

SOIL: CHECKED.

MOISTURE: ACCEPTABLE.

WATERING CAN: READY.

SECOND WATERING CAN: ALSO READY.

THIRD WATERING CAN: DECORATIVE BUT ADORABLE.

SUNLIGHT: MONITORED.

WINDOW SPACE: FULL.

SHELF SPACE: FULL.

TABLE SPACE: QUESTIONABLE.

FLOOR SPACE: DECREASING.

CEILING SPACE: NOW BEING UTILIZED.

PLANT STANDS: MULTIPLYING.

PROPAGATION JARS: EVERYWHERE.

ROOTS: DEVELOPING.

NEW PLANTS: INEVITABLE.

NEW LEAF: DETECTED.

EXCITEMENT: IMMEDIATE.

PHOTOS TAKEN: 14.

PHOTOS SENT TO FRIENDS: 6.

FRIENDS’ ENTHUSIASM: FORCED BUT APPRECIATED.

YELLOW LEAF: DETECTED.

PANIC: INITIATED.

INTERNET SEARCH: INCONCLUSIVE.

OVERWATERING: POSSIBLE.

UNDERWATERING: POSSIBLE.

LIGHT ISSUE: POSSIBLE.

PLANT BEING DRAMATIC: ALSO POSSIBLE.

GARDEN CENTER VISIT: PLANNED.

PURPOSE: SOIL ONLY.

BELIEVABILITY: ZERO.

PLANTS PURCHASED: 3.

EXPLANATION: THEY WERE CUTE.

CLEARANCE PLANT: RESCUED.

NEW POT: PURCHASED.

NEW STAND: REQUIRED.

BUDGET: UNDER REVIEW.

EMPTY CORNER: SPOTTED.

PARTNER: ALREADY SAID NO.

PLANT MOM: STILL CONSIDERING IT.

INDOOR JUNGLE: EXPANDING.

GREEN THUMB: ACTIVE.

HAPPINESS: GROWING.

CURRENT STATUS: GROWING WITH LOVE.

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This heavy cotton tee has the classic cotton look and feel. Casual elegance will make it an instant favorite in everyone’s wardrobe.

.: Classic fit

.: 100% Cotton (fibre content may vary for different colors)

.: Light fabric (5.3 oz/yd² (180 g/m²))

.: Tear away label

.: Runs true to size

 

	S	M	L	XL	2XL	3XL	4XL	5XL
Width, in	18.00	20.00	22.00	24.00	26.00	28.00	30.00	32.00
Length, in	28.00	29.00	30.00	31.00	32.00	33.00	34.00	35.00
Sleeve length (from center back), in	15.10	16.50	18.00	19.50	21.00	22.40	23.70	25.00
Size tolerance, in	1.50	1.50	1.50	1.50	1.50	1.50	1.50	1.50

 

Weight	N/A