Single All The Way – Unisex T-Shirt – Funny Single – Christmas Holiday Tee
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: SINGLE.
CHRISTMAS STATUS: FESTIVE.
MISTLETOE: AVOIDED.
MATCHING COUPLES PAJAMAS: DECLINED.
DATING APP: CURRENTLY IGNORED.
CHRISTMAS COOKIES: NOT BEING SHARED.
ENTIRE COUCH: ACQUIRED.
HOLIDAY SPIRIT: MAXIMUM.
SINGLE ALL THE WAY.
No boyfriend?
No girlfriend?
No problem.
There are presents to unwrap, cookies to destroy, Christmas movies to watch, hot cocoa to drink, relatives to dodge, and absolutely NO REASON TO SHARE THE GOOD SIDE OF THE COUCH.
The Single All The Way Unisex T-Shirt turns single life into a gloriously festive Christmas celebration with a funny holiday twist that’s perfect for anyone happily riding through the season solo.
Featuring bold “SINGLE ALL THE WAY” lettering, this Christmas tee is made for singles who are festive, independent, sarcastic, happily unattached, recently unattached, aggressively unattached, accidentally unattached, or simply tired of Aunt Linda asking:
“SO… ARE YOU SEEING ANYONE?”
Made with soft, breathable cotton and a comfortable relaxed unisex fit, it’s ready for Christmas parties, ugly sweater gatherings, office celebrations, family dinners, holiday shopping, cookie exchanges, Christmas movie marathons, decorating the tree, wrapping presents, drinking hot cocoa, or dramatically walking underneath mistletoe without slowing down.
Because you don’t need a plus-one to have a very merry Christmas.
Sometimes the best sleigh…
ONLY NEEDS ONE SEAT.
Why You’ll Love It:
- Funny “Single All The Way” Design – A festive spin on a familiar holiday phrase with plenty of single-life attitude.
- Perfect for Happily Single Christmas Fans – Celebrate the holidays without treating being single like something that needs fixing.
- Soft & Breathable Cotton – Comfortable for Christmas parties, family dinners, shopping trips, movie marathons, and festive lounging.
- Relaxed Unisex Fit – Easygoing holiday comfort for Christmas celebrations of every kind.
- Holiday Humor Without the Relationship Drama – No exes, dating debates, or matching pajamas required.
- Perfect Christmas Party Shirt – Especially useful when somebody inevitably asks about your relationship status.
- Funny Gift for Your Single Friend – Great for friends, siblings, coworkers, roommates, cousins, or anyone proudly sleighing the holidays solo.
Christmas Relationship Status
SINGLE: YES.
LONELY: NO.
FESTIVE: EXTREMELY.
COOKIES: ACQUIRED.
HOT COCOA: ACQUIRED.
CHRISTMAS MOVIE: PLAYING.
BLANKET: ACQUIRED.
ENTIRE COUCH: MINE.
Friend:
You okay being single at Christmas?
You:
Looks at entire couch.
Looks at entire pizza.
Looks at entire plate of cookies.
You:
I’ll survive.
The Shirt
Friend:
Single All The Way?
You:
Yep.
Friend:
That’s actually pretty funny.
You:
Thank you.
Friend:
You wearing that to the Christmas party?
You:
Absolutely.
Friend:
Bold.
You:
Preventative.
Friend:
Preventative?
You:
Hopefully people read it before asking questions.
The Family Christmas Party
Aunt:
So…
You:
No.
Aunt:
I haven’t even asked yet.
You:
You were going to.
Aunt:
How do you know?
You:
This isn’t my first Christmas.
Aunt:
I was just wondering if you’re seeing—
You:
Points at shirt.
Aunt:
Oh.
You:
There it is.
Family Dinner Status
TURKEY: READY.
HAM: READY.
POTATOES: READY.
PIE: READY.
RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS: INCOMING.
You:
Defenses up.
Mom:
Be nice.
You:
I am nice.
Mom:
Your shirt says otherwise.
You:
My shirt says single.
Mom:
Fair.
Aunt Linda
Aunt Linda:
Are you dating anyone?
You:
Nope.
Aunt Linda:
Why not?
You:
I’ve been waiting all year for this.
Aunt Linda:
For what?
You:
Points at shirt.
Aunt Linda:
Very funny.
You:
Thank you.
Aunt Linda:
But seriously—
You:
MOM!
Mom:
Linda, leave them alone.
You:
Thanks, Mom.
Mom:
Although I WAS wondering—
You:
MOM.
The Grandmother
Grandma:
Any special someone?
You:
You, Grandma.
Grandma:
Nice try.
You:
Worth a shot.
Grandma:
You know, when I was your age—
You:
Here we go.
Grandma:
Your grandfather—
You:
Can I have more pie?
Grandma:
Changing the subject?
You:
Aggressively.
The Cousin
Cousin:
Still single?
You:
Still asking?
Cousin:
Fair.
You:
How’s your relationship?
Cousin:
…
You:
Exactly.
Cousin:
Let’s eat cookies.
You:
Now we’re communicating.
The Family Photo
Photographer:
Couples together!
You:
Where do I stand?
Photographer:
Wherever you want.
You:
Excellent.
Photographer:
Why?
You:
I have no assigned position.
Photographer:
That’s not how family photos work.
You:
Freedom.
Christmas Photo Status
COUPLES: PAIRED.
CHILDREN: CHAOTIC.
DOG: LOOKING WRONG DIRECTION.
SINGLE PERSON: STANDING WHEREVER THEY WANT.
You:
Perfect.
The Christmas Party
Friend:
Where’s your date?
You:
Didn’t bring one.
Friend:
Why not?
You:
Didn’t need one.
Friend:
Fair.
You:
Also, now I can leave whenever I want.
Friend:
That’s powerful.
You:
You have no idea.
Party Status
ARRIVAL: SOLO.
DRINK: ACQUIRED.
APPETIZERS: ACQUIRED.
SMALL TALK: TOLERATED.
RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS: DEFLECTED.
EXIT STRATEGY: ENTIRELY UNDER MY CONTROL.
Friend:
You’re living the dream.
You:
Finally someone understands.
The Mistletoe
Friend:
Careful.
You:
What?
Friend:
Mistletoe.
You:
Steps around it.
Friend:
Smooth.
You:
Years of training.
Mistletoe Status
LOCATION: DETECTED.
TRAJECTORY: ADJUSTED.
CONTACT: AVOIDED.
MISSION: SUCCESSFUL.
You:
Still got it.
The Accidental Mistletoe
Person:
We’re under mistletoe.
You:
Are we?
Person:
Yep.
You:
Interesting.
Person:
So…
You:
Walks three feet left.
Person:
…
You:
Problem solved.
The Christmas Movie Marathon
Friend:
Romantic Christmas movie?
You:
Sure.
Friend:
Really?
You:
Absolutely.
Friend:
Doesn’t that bother you?
You:
Why?
Friend:
You’re single.
You:
So?
Friend:
Fair.
You:
I can enjoy fictional romance.
Friend:
That’s healthy.
You:
Also, I get the whole blanket.
Friend:
There it is.
Christmas Movie Status
SMALL TOWN: SNOWING.
BAKERY: STRUGGLING.
CORPORATE EXECUTIVE: ARRIVING.
OLD FLAME: PROBABLY NEARBY.
MISUNDERSTANDING: INEVITABLE.
ROMANCE: PREDICTABLE.
YOU: EATING POPCORN.
You:
I give them 47 minutes.
Friend:
Until what?
You:
They realize they’re in love.
Friend:
You’ve seen too many of these.
You:
Not possible.
The Matching Pajamas
Couple:
Look!
Matching Christmas pajamas!
You:
Cute.
Couple:
You should get matching pajamas with someone.
You:
I already match myself.
Couple:
That’s not—
You:
Perfectly coordinated.
Pajama Status
TOP: MATCHES BOTTOM.
PERSON ONE: MATCHES PERSON ONE.
MISSION: ACCOMPLISHED.
The Christmas Morning
ALARM: OFF.
BED: ENTIRELY YOURS.
BLANKETS: ENTIRELY YOURS.
COFFEE: MADE YOUR WAY.
REMOTE CONTROL: YOURS.
CHRISTMAS MUSIC: YOUR CHOICE.
You:
This is terrible.
Friend:
Really?
You:
Terribly relaxing.
Friend:
I walked into that.
The Christmas Cookies
Friend:
Want to split the last cookie?
You:
Why?
Friend:
Because there are two of us.
You:
And one cookie.
Friend:
Exactly.
You:
I don’t understand your argument.
Friend:
You’re terrible.
You:
Single All The Way.
Cookie Status
COOKIES BAKED: 24.
COOKIES REMAINING: 1.
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: IRRELEVANT.
COOKIE OWNERSHIP: DISPUTED.
You:
Possession is nine-tenths of Christmas law.
Friend:
That’s not a thing.
You:
Too late.
The Gingerbread House
Friend:
Want help?
You:
No.
Friend:
That’s a lot for one person.
You:
Watch me.
Twenty Minutes Later
ROOF: CROOKED.
WALL: COLLAPSING.
FROSTING: EVERYWHERE.
Friend:
Need help now?
You:
Absolutely not.
Gingerbread House:
Collapses.
You:
Structural differences.
Friend:
You mean failure.
You:
ARTISTIC INTERPRETATION.
Decorating the Tree
Friend:
Need someone to help decorate?
You:
Nope.
Friend:
That’s a lot of ornaments.
You:
I have a system.
Friend:
What’s the system?
You:
Put them where they look good.
Friend:
Groundbreaking.
You:
Thank you.
Tree Status
LIGHTS: TANGLED.
ORNAMENTS: READY.
TREE TOPPER: SLIGHTLY CROOKED.
PERSON ARGUING ABOUT DECORATION PLACEMENT: ZERO.
You:
Another benefit.
The Lights
CHRISTMAS LIGHTS: TANGLED.
You:
How?
Lights:
…
You:
I PUT YOU AWAY NEATLY.
Lights:
…
You:
WHO DID THIS?
Lights:
…
You:
Being single doesn’t protect you from betrayal.
The Holiday Shopping Trip
Friend:
Shopping alone?
You:
Yep.
Friend:
No one to help choose gifts?
You:
No one to tell me we’ve been here too long.
Friend:
Dangerous.
You:
Very.
Shopping Status
GIFTS: 7.
GIFTS FOR YOURSELF: 4.
Friend:
Four?
You:
Self-care.
Friend:
One is a waffle maker.
You:
Festive self-care.
Being Your Own Secret Santa
You:
I wonder what I got myself.
Also You:
I hope you like it.
You:
I’m sure I will.
Also You:
You were very specific.
You:
I know myself well.
Secret Santa Status
NAME DRAWN: YOUR OWN.
BUDGET: IMMEDIATELY EXCEEDED.
GIFT QUALITY: EXCELLENT.
SURPRISE LEVEL: ZERO.
SATISFACTION: MAXIMUM.
The Present
Friend:
Who bought you that?
You:
Me.
Friend:
Nice.
You:
I knew exactly what I wanted.
Friend:
Did you wrap it?
You:
Obviously.
Friend:
Why?
You:
Presentation matters.
The Holiday Office Party
Coworker:
Bringing anyone?
You:
Nope.
Coworker:
Flying solo?
You:
Sleighing solo.
Coworker:
You’ve been waiting to say that.
You:
Since November.
Office Party Status
UGLY SWEATER: OPTIONAL.
SINGLE ALL THE WAY SHIRT: SUPERIOR OPTION.
OFFICE COOKIES: LOCATED.
BOSS: ATTEMPTING KARAOKE.
SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT: HIGH.
You:
Worth attending.
The Coworker
Coworker:
Single for Christmas?
You:
Yep.
Coworker:
Sorry.
You:
Why?
Coworker:
I just thought—
You:
I’m fine.
Coworker:
Oh.
You:
I have cookies.
Coworker:
Excellent point.
Happily Single
RELATIONSHIP: NONE.
PROBLEM: NONE.
CHRISTMAS: CONTINUING NORMALLY.
Friend:
Revolutionary.
You:
Apparently.
The Dating App
Phone:
NEW MATCH.
You:
Interesting.
Phone:
NEW MESSAGE.
You:
Maybe later.
Phone:
NEW MATCH.
You:
It’s Christmas movie night.
Phone:
NEW—
You:
Do Not Disturb.
Phone:
…
You:
Much better.
Holiday Dating Status
APP: INSTALLED.
MATCHES: POSSIBLE.
MOTIVATION TO LEAVE COUCH: LOW.
COCOA: HOT.
MOVIE: STARTING.
DECISION: EASY.
The December Date
Friend:
Going on a date tonight?
You:
Maybe.
Friend:
You don’t sound excited.
You:
It’s cold.
Friend:
So?
You:
My house has heat.
Friend:
And?
You:
My couch knows me.
Friend:
That’s concerning.
You:
My couch doesn’t ask where I see myself in five years.
Friend:
Fair.
The Holiday Dating Profile
LIKES: CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.
LIKES: COOKIES.
LIKES: HOT COCOA.
LIKES: MOVIES.
DISLIKES: AWKWARD SMALL TALK.
DISLIKES: SHARING DESSERT.
Match:
Want to meet for coffee?
You:
Possibly after December.
The Ex
Ex:
Merry Christmas.
You:
Merry Christmas.
Ex:
How have you been?
You:
Good.
Ex:
Seeing anyone?
You:
Looks down at shirt.
Ex:
Right.
You:
Saved us both some time.
Ex:
Fair.
The Unexpected Text
Phone:
Hey stranger.
You:
Oh no.
Friend:
Who is it?
You:
December has awakened the exes.
Friend:
Block?
You:
Archive.
Friend:
Growth.
You:
Christmas miracle.
Holiday Ex Status
MESSAGE RECEIVED: 11:47 PM.
CONTENT: “HEY.”
NUMBER OF Y’S: THREE.
INTENTIONS: SUSPICIOUS.
RESPONSE: UNNECESSARY.
You:
Peace on Earth.
The Couple
Couple:
We’re doing matching gifts this year.
You:
Nice.
Couple:
And matching pajamas.
You:
Nice.
Couple:
And matching stockings.
You:
Nice.
Couple:
And matching Christmas sweaters.
You:
Are you still separate people?
Couple:
…
You:
Just checking.
The Couple Argument
Partner One:
I thought YOU bought the gift!
Partner Two:
You said YOU were buying it!
Partner One:
I said I’d WRAP it!
Partner Two:
THERE’S NOTHING TO WRAP!
You:
Walks past in Single All The Way shirt.
Both:
Don’t.
You:
Didn’t say anything.
Both:
Your shirt did.
You:
Fair.
The Holiday Schedule
Couple:
Christmas Eve with my family.
Christmas morning with yours.
Christmas lunch with mine.
Christmas dinner with yours.
Then drive three hours.
You:
My schedule is easier.
Couple:
What’s yours?
You:
Wake up.
Coffee.
Presents.
Food.
Nap.
Couple:
We hate you.
You:
Understandable.
Single Holiday Logistics
WHOSE FAMILY FIRST: NOT AN ISSUE.
WHOSE FAMILY SECOND: NOT AN ISSUE.
ARGUMENT ABOUT TRAVEL: NOT AN ISSUE.
REMOTE CONTROL OWNERSHIP: RESOLVED.
THERMOSTAT NEGOTIATIONS: UNNECESSARY.
You:
Efficient.
The Thermostat
You:
Feels cold.
Turns heat up.
You:
Done.
Friend:
That’s it?
You:
That’s it.
Friend:
Nobody complains?
You:
Who?
Friend:
Excellent point.
The Blanket
Friend:
You have the whole blanket?
You:
Every inch.
Friend:
Nobody steals it?
You:
Nope.
Friend:
Nobody rolls over and pulls it away?
You:
Nope.
Friend:
Okay, I’m beginning to understand.
You:
Welcome.
Blanket Status
LEFT SIDE: YOURS.
RIGHT SIDE: YOURS.
MIDDLE: ALSO YOURS.
FEET: COVERED.
BLANKET THIEF: NONE.
You:
Luxury.
The Bed
Friend:
You sleep diagonally?
You:
Sometimes.
Friend:
Why?
You:
Because I can.
Friend:
That’s chaotic.
You:
That’s freedom.
Bed Status
LEFT SIDE: AVAILABLE.
RIGHT SIDE: AVAILABLE.
MIDDLE: AVAILABLE.
DIAGONAL POSITION: APPROVED.
PILLOWS: ALL YOURS.
Friend:
You’re making a compelling case.
The Pizza
Friend:
Large pizza for one?
You:
Large pizza for today AND tomorrow.
Friend:
Smart.
You:
Planning.
Friend:
Unless you eat the whole thing tonight.
You:
Then the plan changes.
The Takeout Order
Restaurant:
Order for two?
You:
No.
Restaurant:
Oh.
You:
Don’t judge me.
Restaurant:
I wasn’t.
You:
Good.
Restaurant:
Three entrées?
You:
Variety.
Restaurant:
Respect.
The Christmas Dinner
Friend:
Cooking for one?
You:
Yep.
Friend:
What are you making?
You:
Whatever I want.
Friend:
No compromises?
You:
None.
Friend:
No weird side dish somebody insists is tradition?
You:
None.
Friend:
I’m coming over.
You:
Then technically I’m cooking for two.
Friend:
Never mind.
The Holiday Playlist
You:
Plays favorite Christmas song.
Nobody:
Can we change this?
You:
Plays it again.
Nobody:
Seriously?
You:
Plays it a third time.
You:
Single life has benefits.
The Car Ride
TEMPERATURE: YOUR CHOICE.
MUSIC: YOUR CHOICE.
ROUTE: YOUR CHOICE.
PASSENGER CRITICIZING YOUR PARKING: NONE.
You:
Peaceful.
GPS:
Recalculating.
You:
Except you.
The Solo Road Trip
Friend:
Driving home for Christmas alone?
You:
Yep.
Friend:
Boring?
You:
Nope.
Friend:
What do you do?
You:
Sing terribly.
Friend:
For how long?
You:
Entire drive.
Friend:
Maybe being alone is best for everyone.
You:
Exactly.
The Christmas Karaoke
Host:
Next singer!
You:
Not me.
Friend:
Come on!
You:
No.
Friend:
Christmas duet?
You:
I’m single.
Friend:
That doesn’t mean—
You:
Single.
All.
The.
Way.
Friend:
You are abusing the slogan.
You:
And enjoying it.
The Ugly Sweater Party
Friend:
Where’s your ugly sweater?
You:
Didn’t need one.
Friend:
It’s an ugly sweater party.
You:
I brought holiday humor.
Friend:
Your shirt says Single All The Way.
You:
Exactly.
Friend:
Accepted.
Holiday Party Outfit Status
UGLY SWEATER: OPTIONAL.
FUNNY CHRISTMAS SHIRT: ACTIVE.
SANTA HAT: POSSIBLE.
CONFIDENCE: HIGH.
PLUS-ONE: NOT REQUIRED.
The Gift Exchange
Person:
Who’d you draw?
You:
Kevin.
Person:
What’s Kevin like?
You:
No idea.
Person:
You work with him.
You:
In accounting.
Person:
What does he like?
You:
Spreadsheets?
Person:
Please don’t buy him a spreadsheet.
You:
Back to square one.
The Christmas Card
Friend:
Sending Christmas cards?
You:
Yep.
Friend:
What picture are you using?
You:
Me.
Friend:
Just you?
You:
Who else would be in it?
Friend:
Fair.
You:
Maybe the dog.
Friend:
There it is.
The Dog
Dog:
…
You:
We’re single together.
Dog:
…
You:
You understand me.
Dog:
Requests treat.
You:
Transactional, but fair.
Dog Holiday Status
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: DOG.
CHRISTMAS SWEATER: ON.
TREATS: EXPECTED.
LOYALTY: HIGH UNTIL SOMEONE ELSE HAS FOOD.
You:
Still better than dating.
The Cat
You:
Single All The Way.
Cat:
Knocks ornament off tree.
You:
We’re a team.
Cat:
Knocks another ornament off tree.
You:
A dysfunctional team.
Cat:
Climbs tree.
You:
GET DOWN.
Cat:
Single All The Way.
The Roommate
Roommate:
We’re both single.
You:
Yep.
Roommate:
Christmas movie?
You:
Yep.
Roommate:
Pizza?
You:
Yep.
Roommate:
Matching pajamas?
You:
Don’t ruin this.
Roommate:
Fair.
Single Friend Christmas
Friend One:
Single.
Friend Two:
Single.
Friend Three:
Single.
You:
Single.
Friend One:
So what are we doing Christmas Eve?
You:
Food.
Friend Two:
Movies.
Friend Three:
Games.
You:
Perfect.
Friend One:
Who needs dates?
Everyone:
Exactly.
Singles Christmas Party Status
PLUS-ONES: ZERO.
FOOD: EXCESSIVE.
COOKIES: EXCESSIVE.
LAUGHTER: EXCESSIVE.
RELATIONSHIP DRAMA: MINIMAL.
Friend:
Best party ever.
The Recently Single Friend
Friend:
First Christmas single in years.
You:
How are you feeling?
Friend:
Honestly?
Pretty good.
You:
Excellent.
Friend:
I get to do whatever I want.
You:
Now you’re getting it.
Friend:
Is there an orientation packet?
You:
Just this shirt.
The Breakup Recovery
Friend:
I thought Christmas would be weird.
You:
Is it?
Friend:
A little.
You:
Want cookies?
Friend:
Yes.
You:
Christmas movie?
Friend:
Yes.
You:
Excellent.
Friend:
You make a compelling therapist.
You:
My credentials are mostly snacks.
The Happily Single Friend
Person:
You should find someone.
You:
Why?
Person:
Don’t you want a relationship?
You:
Maybe someday.
Person:
But—
You:
I’m happy now.
Person:
Oh.
You:
Revolutionary concept.
Single Status Report
SINGLE: YES.
SEARCHING: MAYBE.
DESPERATE: NO.
HAPPY: YES.
CHRISTMAS SPIRIT: EXTREME.
The Friend Who Keeps Setting You Up
Friend:
I know someone PERFECT for you.
You:
No.
Friend:
You haven’t heard anything about them.
You:
December moratorium.
Friend:
What’s that?
You:
No setups until January.
Friend:
That’s not real.
You:
It is now.
Friend:
But they’re really—
You:
JANUARY.
The Blind Date
Friend:
Just one date.
You:
No.
Friend:
Coffee.
You:
No.
Friend:
They’re funny.
You:
No.
Friend:
They love Christmas.
You:
…
Friend:
Got you.
You:
I hate you.
The Christmas Crush
Friend:
Someone keeps looking at you.
You:
Who?
Friend:
Over there.
You:
Interesting.
Friend:
Go talk to them.
You:
I’m wearing Single All The Way.
Friend:
Maybe they see it as a challenge.
You:
That’s concerning.
The Plot Twist
Person:
I like your shirt.
You:
Thanks.
Person:
Single All The Way?
You:
That’s the plan.
Person:
Want a cookie?
You:
…
Person:
What?
You:
The plan may be under review.
Friend Across Room:
I KNEW IT.
You:
QUIET.
Holiday Status Update
SINGLE: CURRENTLY.
COOKIE OFFER: RECEIVED.
COOKIE QUALITY: HIGH.
PERSON OFFERING COOKIE: INTERESTING.
ORIGINAL PLAN: UNDER REVIEW.
You:
Science requires flexibility.
Friend:
That’s not science.
You:
It’s Christmas.
Leave me alone.
The Christmas Romance Possibility
Friend:
Thought you were Single All The Way.
You:
It’s a shirt, not a legally binding contract.
Friend:
Fair.
You:
Also they brought cookies.
Friend:
Extremely fair.
The Single All The Way Unisex T-Shirt
A ridiculously festive Christmas gift for:
Happily single people.
Recently single people.
Proudly single people.
Chronically single people.
Accidentally single people.
Intentionally single people.
Single friends.
Single siblings.
Single cousins.
Single coworkers.
Single roommates.
Single best friends.
Single Christmas lovers.
Single holiday enthusiasts.
Single introverts.
Single extroverts.
Single people who love Christmas parties.
Single people who avoid Christmas parties.
People avoiding mistletoe.
People deliberately walking around mistletoe.
People accidentally standing under mistletoe.
People who immediately move three feet when informed they’re under mistletoe.
People dodging relationship questions at Christmas dinner.
People with nosy relatives.
People with VERY nosy relatives.
People with an Aunt Linda.
People who ARE Aunt Linda and know exactly what they’ve done.
People tired of being asked whether they’re dating anyone.
People who have perfected changing the subject.
People who use pie to change the subject.
People who believe pie is usually the answer.
People who don’t need a plus-one.
People who enjoy arriving solo.
People who enjoy leaving whenever they want.
People who like having the whole couch.
People who like having the whole blanket.
People who sleep diagonally.
People who control the thermostat.
People who control the remote.
People who control the Christmas playlist.
People who don’t share dessert.
People who reluctantly share dessert.
People who absolutely will not share the last Christmas cookie.
People who buy themselves Christmas presents.
People who wrap those presents.
People who pretend to be surprised.
People who are excellent Secret Santas to themselves.
People who exceed their own Secret Santa budget.
People who consider this financially irresponsible but emotionally excellent.
People who watch romantic Christmas movies while single.
People who enjoy romance without requiring it in their living room.
People who can predict the entire Christmas movie plot in fifteen minutes.
People who still watch anyway.
People who love hot cocoa.
People who love Christmas cookies.
People who love decorating the tree.
People who hate untangling Christmas lights.
People betrayed annually by Christmas lights.
People who own too many ornaments.
People who love holiday shopping.
People who buy themselves gifts while holiday shopping.
People who consider that efficient.
People who attend office Christmas parties.
People who attend ugly sweater parties.
People who prefer funny Christmas T-shirts to ugly sweaters.
People who enjoy sarcastic holiday humor.
People who enjoy single-life humor.
People who enjoy Christmas puns.
People who enjoy relationship jokes.
People who aren’t bitter.
People who are maybe a LITTLE bitter.
People who are working on it.
People whose ex texts them in December.
People who see “hey stranger” and immediately become suspicious.
People who have survived holiday breakups.
People enjoying their first solo Christmas.
People discovering that being single at Christmas can actually be pretty great.
People who celebrate independence.
People who aren’t looking for anyone.
People who are looking but aren’t in a hurry.
People who might reconsider if someone arrives with excellent cookies.
People who understand that “Single All The Way” describes the CURRENT PLAN.
People looking for a funny single friend gift.
People looking for a Christmas gift for a single friend.
People looking for a single coworker gift.
People looking for a funny Christmas shirt.
People looking for a Christmas party shirt.
People looking for a holiday party outfit.
People looking for a sarcastic Christmas shirt.
People looking for a Christmas pun shirt.
People looking for a funny holiday gift.
People looking for an anti-romance Christmas joke without actually hating romance.
People looking for something festive that doesn’t require matching couples pajamas.
And anyone proudly heading into the holiday season with:
NO PLUS-ONE.
NO PROBLEM.
NO MATCHING PAJAMAS.
NO MISTLETOE OBLIGATIONS.
NO SHARING THE REMOTE.
NO SHARING THE BLANKET.
AND ABSOLUTELY NO SHARING THE LAST CHRISTMAS COOKIE.
Single All The Way Holiday Status Report
CHRISTMAS: APPROACHING.
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: SINGLE.
EMERGENCY LEVEL: ZERO.
HOLIDAY SPIRIT: MAXIMUM.
T-SHIRT: ON.
COTTON: SOFT.
FIT: RELAXED.
CHRISTMAS TREE: DECORATED.
LIGHTS: SOMEHOW TANGLED AGAIN.
ORNAMENTS: HANGING.
CAT: WATCHING ORNAMENTS SUSPICIOUSLY.
COOKIES: BAKED.
COOKIES REMAINING: RAPIDLY DECLINING.
HOT COCOA: READY.
CHRISTMAS MOVIE: PLAYING.
ROMANTIC PLOT: PREDICTABLE.
ENJOYMENT: STILL HIGH.
COUCH: ENTIRELY YOURS.
BLANKET: ENTIRELY YOURS.
REMOTE: ENTIRELY YOURS.
THERMOSTAT: ENTIRELY YOURS.
MISTLETOE: DETECTED.
MISTLETOE: AVOIDED.
MATCHING PAJAMAS: NOT REQUIRED.
PLUS-ONE: NOT REQUIRED.
AUNT LINDA: APPROACHING.
RELATIONSHIP QUESTION: IMMINENT.
DEFENSIVE SYSTEMS: ACTIVE.
AUNT LINDA: “SO, ARE YOU SEEING ANYONE?”
SHIRT: POINTED AT.
AUNT LINDA: TEMPORARILY DEFEATED.
FAMILY DINNER: CONTINUING.
EX TEXT: DETECTED.
MESSAGE: “HEY STRANGER.”
NUMBER OF Y’S: SUSPICIOUS.
RESPONSE: OPTIONAL.
PHONE: DO NOT DISTURB.
PEACE: RESTORED.
SECRET SANTA: YOURSELF.
GIFT QUALITY: EXCELLENT.
SURPRISE: NONEXISTENT.
CHRISTMAS PARTY: ATTENDED SOLO.
EXIT TIME: COMPLETELY YOUR DECISION.
SINGLE STATUS: CONFIRMED.
FESTIVE STATUS: CONFIRMED.
HAPPINESS: NOT DEPENDENT ON RELATIONSHIP STATUS.
COOKIES: STILL NOT BEING SHARED.
CURRENT STATUS: SINGLE ALL THE WAY.
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| S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | 4XL | 5XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Width, in | 17.99 | 20.00 | 21.97 | 23.98 | 25.98 | 27.99 | 30.04 | 31.97 |
| Length, in | 28.00 | 29.00 | 30.00 | 31.00 | 32.00 | 33.00 | 34.00 | 35.00 |
| Sleeve length, in | 7.24 | 7.76 | 8.23 | 8.74 | 9.25 | 9.76 | 10.24 | 10.75 |






















































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