Support the Troops – Black Mug – Funny Space Trooper – Sci-Fi Gift

TROOPS: SUPPORTED.

ARMOR: POLISHED.

FORMATION: READY.

BLASTERS: CHARGED.

COFFEE: REQUIRED.

BATTLE STATION: OPERATIONAL-ISH.

MORNING SHIFT: UNFORTUNATELY STARTED.

AIM BEFORE COFFEE: PLEASE DON’T ASK.

SUPPORT THE TROOPS.

Especially before they’ve had caffeine.

The Support the Troops Black Mug takes a familiar phrase, launches it several thousand light-years into space, and gives it a perfectly ridiculous sci-fi twist.

Featuring three white-armored space troopers standing in formation beneath the bold words “SUPPORT THE TROOPS,” this black ceramic mug is made for sci-fi fans, space nerds, gamers, office jokesters, and anyone who has ever wondered about the ordinary employees behind a gigantic fictional galactic regime.

Because somebody has to patrol those endless corridors.

Somebody has to search for suspicious robots.

Somebody has to guard the mysterious door.

Somebody has to clean laser marks off the armor.

Somebody has to attend the 8:00 a.m. security briefing.

And somebody…

FOR THE LOVE OF THE GALAXY…

needs to fix the break-room coffee machine.

Available in 11 oz or 15 oz, this mug provides the appropriate amount of fuel for everything from an ordinary morning at the office to another exhausting shift aboard a suspiciously enormous orbital battle station.

Because supporting the troops is important.

But caffeinating them?

MISSION CRITICAL.

Why You’ll Love It:

• Clever Galactic Humor – The familiar “Support the Troops” phrase gets an unexpected space-opera twist.
• Three Armored Space Troopers – A funny futuristic design for lovers of retro sci-fi, cosmic adventures, and anonymous henchman humor.
• Bold Black Ceramic – The dark background helps the white-armored troopers and lettering stand out.
• Two Caffeine Ranks – Choose 11 oz or 15 oz depending on the severity of the morning mission.
• Perfect Office Mug – Especially appropriate for anyone whose workplace also suffers from broken coffee machines, questionable management, endless meetings, and mysterious IT problems.
• Great Sci-Fi Gift – Fun for space nerds, gamers, geeks, collectors, coworkers, movie fans, and lovers of offbeat humor.
• Accuracy Not Included – Coffee may improve alertness. We make no promises about blaster aim.

Galactic Morning Briefing

Commander:

Good morning, troops.

Troopers:

…

Commander:

I said good morning.

Trooper:

Coffee machine’s broken.

Commander:

Understood.

Mission Status

MORALE: CRITICAL.

0600 Hours

Alarm:

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

Trooper:

No.

Alarm:

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

Trooper:

Absolutely not.

Alarm:

BEEP BEEP—

Trooper:

I protect the galaxy.

Surely someone else can handle the morning shift.

Deployment Status

DENIED.

Trooper Morning Routine

STEP ONE: WAKE UP.

Failed.

STEP TWO: WAKE UP AGAIN.

Barely successful.

STEP THREE: PUT ON ARMOR.

Successful-ish.

STEP FOUR: PUT ON HELMET.

Successful.

STEP FIVE: WALK INTO WALL BECAUSE HELMET VISIBILITY IS TERRIBLE.

Successful.

Morning Status

READY FOR DUTY.

The Coffee Machine

Trooper:

Coffee.

Machine:

…

Trooper:

Coffee.

Machine:

…

Trooper:

Don’t do this.

Machine:

ERROR.

Trooper:

NO.

Emergency Status

GALACTIC SECURITY THREAT LEVEL: EXTREME.

Trooper Two Arrives

Trooper Two:

What’s wrong?

Trooper One:

Coffee machine.

Trooper Two:

What happened?

Trooper One:

It’s dead.

Trooper Two:

Are you sure?

Trooper One:

Look at it.

Trooper Two:

Did you unplug it?

Trooper One:

I am not emotionally prepared for troubleshooting.

Caffeine Status

UNAVAILABLE.

Galactic IT

Trooper:

Coffee machine isn’t working.

IT:

We’re computer support.

Trooper:

This is more important.

IT:

Did you turn it off and back on?

Trooper:

It’s a coffee machine.

IT:

Did you?

Trooper:

…

No.

Technical Status

SOLUTION: EMBARRASSINGLY EFFECTIVE.

Coffee Restored

Machine:

BEEP.

Trooper:

YES.

Other Trooper:

We’re back.

Trooper:

Civilization survives.

Battle Station Status

FULLY OPERATIONAL.

The 11 oz Mug

Trooper:

11 ounces?

Other Trooper:

Normal patrol.

Trooper:

Reasonable.

Caffeine Classification

11 OZ: STANDARD GALACTIC FUEL.

The 15 oz Mug

Trooper:

15 ounces?

Other Trooper:

Management scheduled an 8 a.m. meeting.

Trooper:

Understood.

Caffeine Classification

15 OZ: TACTICAL RESERVE.

Monday

Monday:

Good morning.

Trooper:

No.

Monday:

Ready to protect the galaxy?

Trooper raises mug.

Monday:

I’ll come back.

Threat Status

MONDAY: HOSTILE.

The Morning Patrol

Officer:

Anything suspicious?

Trooper:

No.

Officer:

Anything unusual?

Trooper:

No.

Officer:

Anything to report?

Trooper:

Coffee’s good.

Officer:

That’s not what I meant.

Trooper:

It’s what I’m reporting.

Patrol Status

PRIORITIES: CORRECT.

The Corridor

Trooper One:

What are we guarding?

Trooper Two:

This corridor.

Trooper One:

Why?

Trooper Two:

Security.

Trooper One:

What’s at the end?

Trooper Two:

Another corridor.

Trooper One:

What’s that one guarding?

Trooper Two:

Probably us.

Security Status

CONFUSINGLY EXCELLENT.

Corridor Patrol, Hour Three

Trooper:

Anything?

Other Trooper:

Nope.

Trooper:

Coffee?

Other Trooper:

Yep.

Trooper:

Good patrol.

Mission Status

CORRIDOR: STILL THERE.

The Mysterious Door

Trooper:

What’s behind this?

Other Trooper:

No idea.

Trooper:

We’ve guarded it for six months.

Other Trooper:

Yep.

Trooper:

Nobody told you?

Other Trooper:

Nope.

Trooper:

Should we open it?

Other Trooper:

Absolutely not.

Security Status

DOOR: EXTREMELY GUARDED.

PURPOSE: UNKNOWN.

The Helmet

Trooper:

I can’t drink coffee through this.

Quartermaster:

Remove helmet.

Trooper:

During duty?

Quartermaster:

Then don’t drink coffee.

Trooper:

Those cannot possibly be my only options.

Equipment Status

DESIGN FLAW: IDENTIFIED.

Helmet Engineering Meeting

Engineer:

Any feedback?

Trooper:

Yes.

Engineer:

Excellent.

Trooper:

Visibility.

Engineer:

Noted.

Trooper:

Ventilation.

Engineer:

Noted.

Trooper:

Coffee access.

Engineer:

Coffee access?

Trooper:

Highest priority.

Design Status

REVISION REQUESTED.

Target Practice

Instructor:

Aim.

Trooper puts mug down.

Instructor:

Fire.

Trooper fires.

Misses.

Instructor:

Again.

Misses.

Instructor:

Again.

Misses.

Trooper:

Can I get my coffee?

Instructor:

Fine.

Five Minutes Later

Trooper fires.

Misses.

Instructor:

Well.

Trooper:

At least now I’m awake.

Accuracy Status

UNCHANGED.

Performance Review

Supervisor:

We need to discuss your accuracy.

Trooper takes sip.

Supervisor:

Are you listening?

Trooper:

Yes.

Supervisor:

You fired 42 shots.

Trooper:

Correct.

Supervisor:

You hit two targets.

Trooper:

That’s improvement.

Supervisor:

From what?

Trooper:

Let’s focus on the positive.

Performance Status

CONFIDENCE: IMPRESSIVE.

Trooper Therapy

Therapist:

How do the accuracy jokes make you feel?

Trooper:

Targeted.

Therapist:

…

Trooper:

Sorry.

Therapist:

No.

That was actually pretty good.

Emotional Status

PROGRESS: ACHIEVED.

The Break Room

Trooper:

Whose food is this?

Other Trooper:

Mine.

Trooper:

It’s been here for nine days.

Other Trooper:

I was deployed.

Trooper:

It’s growing something.

Other Trooper:

Maybe it’s evolving.

Trooper:

I’m throwing it away.

Biological Status

UNKNOWN LIFE-FORM: DISCOVERED.

Break-Room Refrigerator

Sign:

PLEASE LABEL ALL FOOD.

Trooper:

Someone stole my sandwich.

Other Trooper:

Did you label it?

Trooper:

Yes.

Other Trooper:

What did you write?

Trooper:

“DO NOT EAT.”

Other Trooper:

Bold strategy.

Investigation Status

SANDWICH: MISSING.

The Mug

Trooper:

Who used my Support the Troops mug?

Entire break room:

…

Trooper:

I KNOW ONE OF YOU DID.

Investigation Status

SERIOUS.

Mug Security

Trooper writes:

PROPERTY OF TROOPER 8274

Other Trooper:

You think that’ll work?

Trooper:

No.

Security Status

DETERRENCE: MINIMAL.

Galactic Office Worker

Coworker:

Support the Troops?

You:

Yep.

Coworker:

Are those armored space troopers?

You:

Yep.

Coworker:

Okay.

That’s funny.

Office Status

NERD DETECTED.

The Morning Meeting

Manager:

Good morning, everyone.

Employee takes sip.

Manager:

We’ll start with a quick icebreaker.

Employee takes larger sip.

Manager:

Something wrong?

Employee:

Continue.

Corporate Status

15 OZ OPTION: CORRECT DECISION.

Meeting Agenda

Manager:

First item—

Employee:

Could this have been an email?

Manager:

We haven’t started.

Employee:

Just planning ahead.

Productivity Status

QUESTION: VALID.

The Presentation

Manager:

Next slide.

Slide:

STRATEGIC GALACTIC SYNERGY

Trooper whispers:

What does that mean?

Other Trooper:

Nobody knows.

Corporate Status

BUZZWORDS: OPERATIONAL.

Management

Commander:

We need greater efficiency.

Trooper:

Okay.

Commander:

Higher productivity.

Trooper:

Sure.

Commander:

Better morale.

Trooper:

Fix the coffee machine.

Commander:

Anything else?

Trooper:

Nope.

Leadership Status

SOLUTION: SURPRISINGLY SIMPLE.

Employee Survey

Question:

How satisfied are you with your galactic employer?

Trooper:

Is this anonymous?

Officer:

Absolutely.

Trooper:

Then one star.

Officer:

Interesting.

Trooper:

Why?

Officer:

Nothing, Trooper 8274.

Trooper:

…

Survey Status

ANONYMITY: QUESTIONABLE.

Galactic HR

HR:

We’ve received complaints.

Trooper:

About what?

HR:

Work-life balance.

Trooper:

We live on the battle station.

HR:

Right.

Trooper:

And work on the battle station.

HR:

Right.

Trooper:

There is no separation.

HR:

We’ll form a committee.

HR Status

PROBLEM: DEFINITELY SOLVED.

Casual Friday

Trooper:

Can we wear something besides armor?

Officer:

No.

Trooper:

Then why is it called Casual Friday?

Officer:

You may leave one glove off.

Trooper:

Seriously?

Officer:

Morale initiative.

Dress Code Status

EXTREMELY CASUAL.

The Commander

Trooper:

Commander coming.

Other Trooper:

Act busy.

Trooper grabs mug.

Other Trooper:

That’s your plan?

Trooper:

I’m hydrating.

Other Trooper:

That’s coffee.

Trooper:

He doesn’t know that.

Workplace Status

STRATEGY: WEAK.

Commander Approaches

Commander:

Trooper.

Trooper:

Sir.

Commander:

Why are you drinking coffee?

Trooper:

Operational readiness.

Commander:

Carry on.

Trooper:

Thank you, sir.

Strategy Status

SURPRISINGLY SUCCESSFUL.

The Desert Planet

Trooper:

It’s hot.

Other Trooper:

Yep.

Trooper:

Why am I drinking hot coffee?

Other Trooper:

Tradition.

Trooper:

That’s stupid.

Other Trooper:

Want iced coffee?

Trooper:

Absolutely.

Environmental Status

TACTICS: ADAPTED.

Desert Patrol

Trooper:

Sand in my boots.

Other Trooper:

Yep.

Trooper:

Sand in my gloves.

Yep.

Trooper:

Sand in my helmet.

Yep.

Trooper:

Sand in my coffee.

Other Trooper:

Mission over.

Emergency Status

UNACCEPTABLE.

The Forest Planet

Trooper:

Finally.

Trees.

Other Trooper:

No sand.

Trooper:

Perfect.

Other Trooper:

What are those little furry creatures?

Trooper:

Probably harmless.

Five Minutes Later

Trooper:

RETREAT!

Tactical Status

ASSESSMENT: INCORRECT.

Forest Debriefing

Commander:

What happened?

Trooper:

Small furry creatures.

Commander:

You’re heavily armored.

Trooper:

Yes.

Commander:

You have advanced weapons.

Trooper:

Yes.

Commander:

And?

Trooper:

You weren’t there.

Report Status

DETAILS: COMPLICATED.

Robot Search

Officer:

Find the robots.

Trooper:

Description?

Officer:

Mechanical.

Trooper:

We’re on a space station.

Officer:

Right.

Trooper:

Everything is mechanical.

Officer:

Good point.

Mission Status

SEARCH PARAMETERS: NEED IMPROVEMENT.

Searching

Trooper:

Robot?

Machine:

BEEP.

Trooper:

Suspicious.

Other Trooper:

That’s the vending machine.

Trooper:

Can we be certain?

Investigation Status

SNACK MACHINE: CLEARED.

Rebel Search

Officer:

Find the rebels.

Trooper:

Where?

Officer:

Somewhere on this level.

Trooper:

Which level are we on?

Officer:

…

Trooper:

Sir?

Officer:

Find that out too.

Mission Status

OBJECTIVES: MULTIPLYING.

Galactic Navigation

Trooper:

We’re lost.

Other Trooper:

No we’re not.

Trooper:

Where are we?

Other Trooper:

Sector…

…

Trooper:

Exactly.

Navigation Status

CONFIDENCE: HIGH.

ACCURACY: LOW.

The Battle Station Map

Trooper:

Why isn’t there a “YOU ARE HERE” marker?

Engineer:

Security.

Trooper:

Security against whom?

Engineer:

Intruders.

Trooper:

What about employees?

Engineer:

Good luck.

Navigation Status

HR COMPLAINT: FORTHCOMING.

The Ventilation Shaft

Engineer:

We have a potential vulnerability.

Manager:

How serious?

Engineer:

Someone could theoretically exploit this tiny opening.

Manager:

That seems unlikely.

Engineer:

Should we fix it?

Manager:

What’s the budget?

Engineer:

Never mind.

Engineering Status

DECISION: POSSIBLY REGRETTABLE.

Galactic Insurance

Agent:

So the battle station exploded?

Officer:

Hypothetically.

Agent:

Because of a small structural vulnerability?

Officer:

Hypothetically.

Agent:

And you want us to insure the replacement?

Officer:

Correct.

Agent:

I’m going to need more coffee.

Insurance Status

UNDERWRITING: STRESSED.

New Battle Station Orientation

Recruit:

What happened to the previous station?

Officer:

We don’t discuss it.

Recruit:

Why?

Officer:

Company policy.

Recruit:

Should I be concerned?

Officer:

Here’s your helmet.

Recruitment Status

QUESTION: UNANSWERED.

Galactic Payroll

Trooper:

Is overtime approved?

Officer:

No.

Trooper:

I’ve been here fourteen hours.

Officer:

Correct.

Trooper:

When can I leave?

Officer:

After patrol.

Trooper:

When’s patrol over?

Officer:

Tomorrow.

Employment Status

COFFEE REFILL: NECESSARY.

Vacation Request

Trooper:

I’d like next Friday off.

Officer:

Reason?

Trooper:

Rest.

Officer:

Denied.

Trooper:

Family event?

Denied.

Trooper:

Medical appointment?

Denied.

Trooper:

Coffee festival?

Officer:

…

Submit the form.

Leave Status

POSSIBLE BREAKTHROUGH.

Retirement Planning

Trooper:

When can I retire?

Advisor:

How long have you served?

Trooper:

Twelve years.

Advisor:

Excellent.

Trooper:

So?

Advisor:

Thirty-eight more.

Trooper slowly fills 15 oz mug.

Retirement Status

LONG-TERM CAFFEINE STRATEGY REQUIRED.

Trooper Dating Profile

OCCUPATION: Galactic security.

LIKES: Coffee, orderly corridors, functional equipment.

DISLIKES: Rebels, sand, broken coffee machines, accuracy jokes.

LOOKING FOR: Someone who respects the mug.

Relationship Status

HOPEFUL.

Trooper Family Breakfast

Partner:

Working today?

Trooper:

Yep.

Partner:

Patrol?

Yep.

Partner:

Dangerous?

Probably.

Partner:

Coffee?

Already packed.

Trooper:

That’s why I love you.

Relationship Status

SUPPORT SYSTEM: EXCELLENT.

Trooper Parent

Child:

Why does your mug say Support the Troops?

Trooper:

Because people appreciate what I do.

Child:

Do they?

Trooper:

The mug says so.

Child:

Fair.

Morale Status

VALIDATED.

Bring Your Child to Work Day

Child:

This place is huge.

Trooper:

Yep.

Child:

Do you know where everything is?

Trooper:

Absolutely.

Child:

Where’s the bathroom?

Trooper:

…

Let’s ask someone.

Authority Status

SLIGHTLY DIMINISHED.

The Space Cantina

Server:

What’ll you have?

Trooper:

Coffee.

Server:

It’s evening.

Trooper:

I’m on night shift.

Server:

11 or 15 oz?

Trooper:

You know the answer.

Caffeine Status

15 OZ: DEPLOYED.

Night Shift

Trooper One:

Quiet tonight.

Trooper Two:

Don’t say that.

Trooper One:

Why?

Alarm begins blaring.

Trooper Two:

That’s why.

Mission Status

YOU HAD ONE JOB.

Alarm

Computer:

INTRUDER ALERT.

Trooper grabs blaster.

Then grabs mug.

Other Trooper:

Seriously?

Trooper:

Could be a long night.

Preparedness Status

EXCELLENT.

The Coffee Shop

Barista:

Support the Troops?

You:

Yep.

Barista looks at graphic.

Barista:

Space troops?

You:

Exactly.

Barista:

Nice.

What size?

You:

15 oz.

Barista:

Respect.

Caffeine Alliance

ESTABLISHED.

The Office Desk

Coworker:

New mug?

You:

Yep.

Coworker:

Support the Troops.

You:

Look closer.

Coworker:

…

Oh.

That’s ridiculous.

You:

Thank you.

Office Status

JOKE: SUCCESSFUL.

The Boss

Boss:

Interesting mug.

You:

Thanks.

Boss:

Space troopers?

Yep.

Boss:

Support the Troops?

Yep.

Boss:

Very funny.

You:

Does this mean I can skip the meeting?

Boss:

No.

Workplace Status

NEGOTIATION: FAILED.

The Meeting

Coworker:

Could’ve been an email.

You take sip.

Coworker:

Right?

You take another sip.

Coworker:

I’ll take that as yes.

Communication Status

MUG: ASSISTING.

The Gamer

Friend:

Nice mug.

You:

Thanks.

Friend:

Space troopers?

Yep.

Friend:

Bad aim?

You:

We don’t discuss personnel files.

Gamer Status

LORE: EXPANDING.

The Sci-Fi Fan

Friend:

Support the Troops?

You:

Yep.

Friend:

I support them too.

You:

Finally.

Friend:

Better helmets.

You:

Yes.

Friend:

Better coffee.

You:

Absolutely.

Friend:

Better training.

You:

Let’s not embarrass them.

Galactic Solidarity

ESTABLISHED.

The Collector

Friend:

Another sci-fi mug?

You:

Yes.

Friend:

How many mugs do you have?

You:

Classified.

Friend:

The cabinet doesn’t close.

You:

Structural issue.

Collection Status

DENIAL: ACTIVE.

The Mug Cabinet

Partner:

You don’t need another mug.

You:

Correct.

Partner:

Good.

You:

I needed this mug.

Partner:

That’s the same thing.

You:

Completely different.

Logic Status

OWNER SATISFIED.

The Gift

Recipient:

Support the Troops?

You:

Look at the picture.

Recipient:

…

Are those space troopers?

You:

Yep.

Recipient:

Okay.

That’s hilarious.

Gift Status

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Gift for Dad

Dad:

A mug?

Kid:

Turn it around.

Dad:

Support the Troops.

Kid:

Look underneath.

Dad:

Space troopers!

Kid:

Yep.

Dad:

Okay, that’s good.

Dad Gift Status

APPROVED.

Gift for Husband

Husband:

Support the Troops?

Partner:

Yep.

Husband:

Three armored space guys?

Partner:

Yep.

Husband:

11 or 15 ounces?

Partner:

15.  

Husband:

You understand me.

Relationship Status

STRONG.

Gift for Boyfriend

Boyfriend:

Is this for me?

Partner:

Yep.

Boyfriend:

Space troopers?

Yep.

Boyfriend:

Coffee?

Yep.

Boyfriend:

Perfect.

Gift Status

OBJECTIVE COMPLETE.

Gift for Coworker

Coworker:

You got me a mug?

You:

Open it.

Coworker:

Support the Troops.

You:

Look closer.

Coworker:

Oh no.

You:

Oh yes.

Coworker:

I’m using this during meetings.

Office Status

MORALE: IMPROVED.

Secret Office Gift Exchange

Recipient:

Who got me?

Everyone:

…

Recipient looks at mug.

Recipient:

Okay, whoever did this understands me.

Gift Status

IDENTITY: CLASSIFIED.

The 11 oz Person

Friend:

11 oz.

You:

Reasonable.

Friend:

One coffee in the morning.

You:

Responsible.

Friend:

That’s all I need.

You:

Impressive.

Caffeine Rank

CADET.

The 15 oz Person

Friend:

15 oz.

You:

Big morning?

Friend:

Monday.

You:

Say no more.

Caffeine Rank

COMMANDER.

The Person Who Says They Don’t Need Coffee

Person:

I don’t drink coffee.

You:

Tea?

Person:

Yep.

You:

Acceptable.

Person:

Hot cocoa sometimes.

You:

Also acceptable.

Beverage Status

MUG: NONJUDGMENTAL.

Support the Troops Black Mug

Perfect for:

Sci-fi fans.

Space-opera fans.

Retro-futurism fans.

Space nerds.

Gamers.

Geeks.

Collectors.

Movie buffs.

Convention fans.

Office jokesters.

Coworkers.

Coffee lovers.

Tea drinkers.

Hot-cocoa enthusiasts.

People who love futuristic armor.

People who love spaceships.

People who love giant orbital battle stations.

People who love galactic adventures.

People who love ridiculous workplace humor.

People who think fictional henchmen deserve more appreciation.

People who think anonymous space troops deserve better coffee.

People who think their helmets need better visibility.

People who think their armor needs cup holders.

People who think the battle station needs better Wi-Fi.

People who think galactic management needs leadership training.

People who think futuristic HR departments probably have the same problems as ours.

People who think giant space stations need better maps.

People who think ventilation shafts should be taken more seriously.

People who think tiny forest creatures should never be underestimated.

People who think sand and white armor are a terrible combination.

People who think 8 a.m. meetings should be illegal in every galaxy.

People who have sat through a meeting that could have been an email.

People who need coffee before interacting with coworkers.

People who need coffee before interacting with anyone.

People who use mugs as emotional support equipment.

People who own too many mugs.

People who reject the concept of “too many mugs.”

People looking for a funny sci-fi mug.

People looking for a space trooper mug.

People looking for a black sci-fi coffee mug.

People looking for a geek gift.

People looking for a nerd gift.

People looking for a gamer gift.

People looking for a sci-fi fan gift.

People looking for a funny office mug.

People looking for a coworker gift.

People looking for a funny mug for Dad.

People looking for a nerdy husband gift.

People looking for a geeky boyfriend gift.

And anyone who believes the hardworking anonymous employees of fictional galactic regimes deserve three simple things:

BETTER HELMETS.

BETTER TRAINING.

BETTER COFFEE.

Because these troops have been through enough.

Desert planets.

Forest planets.

Rebels.

Robots.

Sand.

Endless corridors.

Questionable armor ergonomics.

Limited helmet visibility.

Broken Wi-Fi.

Mandatory meetings.

Management problems.

Long patrols.

Employee surveys that are definitely not anonymous.

Overtime disputes.

Dangerous hover bikes.

Mysterious ventilation shafts.

Workplaces with alarmingly high explosion rates.

And decades of jokes about their aim.

At the very least…

give them coffee.

Preferably 15 ounces.

SUPPORT THE TROOPS.

ARMOR: WHITE.

MUG: BLACK.

COFFEE: HOT.

MORALE: IMPROVING.

AIM: STILL CLASSIFIED.

Final Galactic Caffeine Support Status Report

TROOPS: SUPPORTED.

ARMORED SPACE TROOPERS: THREE.

FORMATION: COMPLETE.

MUG: BLACK CERAMIC.

SIZE OPTION ONE: 11 OZ.

SIZE OPTION TWO: 15 OZ.

COFFEE: ACCEPTED.

TEA: ACCEPTED.

HOT COCOA: ACCEPTED.

CAFFEINE LEVEL: USER DETERMINED.

MORNING SHIFT: ACTIVE.

TROOPERS: AWAKE-ISH.

FIRST SIP: COMPLETE.

GALACTIC READINESS: IMPROVING.

SECOND SIP: COMPLETE.

SECURITY SYSTEMS: ONLINE.

THIRD SIP: COMPLETE.

CORRIDOR PATROL: POSSIBLE.

ARMOR: POLISHED.

HELMETS: SECURED.

VISIBILITY: STILL QUESTIONABLE.

BLASTERS: READY.

TARGET PRACTICE: SCHEDULED.

ACCURACY RESULTS: CLASSIFIED.

BREAK ROOM: OPEN.

COFFEE MACHINE: TEMPORARILY FUNCTIONAL.

MORALE: IMPROVED.

MYSTERY FOOD IN REFRIGERATOR: CONCERNING.

SANDWICH THIEF: STILL AT LARGE.

GALACTIC IT: ASKING IF YOU RESTARTED IT.

WI-FI: INTERMITTENT.

MANAGEMENT: INTIMIDATING.

HR: FORMING A COMMITTEE.

EMPLOYEE SURVEY: “ANONYMOUS.”

OVERTIME: NOT APPROVED.

VACATION REQUEST: PENDING.

CASUAL FRIDAY: ONE GLOVE OPTIONAL.

BATTLE STATION: MASSIVE.

CORRIDORS: ENDLESS.

MAPS: INADEQUATE.

VENTILATION SHAFTS: QUESTIONABLE.

DESERT PLANET: TOO MUCH SAND.

FOREST PLANET: SMALL FURRY CREATURES SUSPICIOUS.

ROBOTS: STILL MISSING.

REBELS: STILL REBELLING.

HOVER BIKE INSURANCE: EXPENSIVE.

RETIREMENT: DISTANT.

COFFEE REFILL: IMMINENT.

SCI-FI HUMOR: MAXIMUM.

NERD ENERGY: MAXIMUM.

OFFICE HUMOR: MAXIMUM.

GIFTABILITY: HIGH.

TROOP MORALE: RISING.

CURRENT STATUS: CAFFEINATED AND READY FOR PATROL.

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