Vandelay Industries – Unisex Sweatshirt – Seinfeld Inspired – George Costanza – Import Export

COMPANY: VANDELAY INDUSTRIES.

BUSINESS: IMPORTING.

ALSO: EXPORTING.

SPECIALTY: LATEX.

ARCHITECTURE: POSSIBLY.

CEO: PROBABLY ART VANDELAY.

EMPLOYEE: GEORGE COSTANZA.

ACTUAL COMPANY: COMPLETELY FICTIONAL.

CORPORATE SWEATSHIRT: VERY REAL.

Welcome to Vandelay Industries, the international business empire with no known headquarters, questionable employment records, an unclear product line, and one extremely important rule:

If somebody calls…

ANSWER THE PHONE CORRECTLY.

The Vandelay Industries Unisex Sweatshirt features a professional-style company logo inspired by George Costanza’s legendary fictional business from Seinfeld.

To everyone else, it looks like corporate apparel.

To a Seinfeld fan?

They know.

They know about importing.

They know about exporting.

They know about latex.

And most importantly…

They know about Art Vandelay.

Why You’ll Love It:

• Vandelay Industries Design – Inspired by George Costanza’s wonderfully fabricated company from Seinfeld.
• Officially Unofficial Corporate Style – Looks like company apparel for a business that absolutely does not exist.
• Instant Seinfeld Recognition – Fellow fans can spot the reference without needing the entire increasingly complicated cover story.
• George Costanza Humor – A tribute to fictional employment, questionable career choices, and improvising under pressure.
• Sitcom Marathon Ready – A fun choice for rewatching favorite episodes, hanging out, casual outings, conventions, or game nights.
• Office Humor Approved – Wear it to the office and wait for somebody to ask exactly what Vandelay Industries does.
• Great Seinfeld Gift – Perfect for birthdays, holidays, coworkers, sitcom collectors, classic TV fans, and anyone whose résumé could benefit from a little creative fiction.

Vandelay Industries

Importing.

Exporting.

Corporate casual.

Monday Morning

Employee enters office wearing Vandelay Industries sweatshirt.

Coworker

Vandelay Industries?

Employee

Yes.

Coworker

What’s that?

Employee

Import/export.

Coworker

What do they import?

Employee

Latex.

Coworker

And export?

Employee

Also latex.

Coworker

Why?

Employee

International demand.

Coworker

For latex?

Employee

Very strong quarter.

Coworker

Really?

Employee

Can’t discuss numbers.

Coworker

Why not?

Employee

Confidential.

Coworker

You don’t actually work there, do you?

Employee

Meeting.

Exit Strategy

Successful.

Vandelay Industries

Now hiring.

Position

Senior Import/Export Specialist.

Applicant

What are qualifications?

HR

Can you confidently say “Vandelay Industries” without laughing?

Applicant

Yes.

HR

Can you answer vague questions about latex?

Applicant

Probably.

HR

Can you look busy while accomplishing very little?

Applicant

Absolutely.

HR

Welcome aboard.

Corporate Standards

Exceptional.

The Interview

Interviewer:

Tell me about previous employer.

Applicant

Vandelay Industries.

Interviewer

What did you do?

Applicant

Import/export.

Interviewer

Import or export?

Applicant

Both.

Interviewer

Impressive.

What products?

Applicant

Latex.

Interviewer

What kind of latex?

Applicant

Various.

Interviewer

Can you be more specific?

Applicant

Industrial.

Interviewer

Industrial latex?

Applicant

Among other things.

Interviewer

What other things?

Applicant

I’m under NDA.

Interviewer

Can we contact supervisor?

Applicant

Art Vandelay.

Interviewer

Phone number?

Applicant

This interview has gone extremely well.

Let’s not ruin it.

The Resume

VANDELAY INDUSTRIES

Senior International Import/Export Executive.

Responsibilities

Imports.

Exports.

Latex.

Corporate strategy.

International relations.

Strategic coffee acquisition.

Looking concerned while reading spreadsheets.

Walking quickly through hallways.

Carrying folders.

Saying “I’ll circle back.”

Avoiding questions.

Skills

Microsoft Office.

Corporate jargon.

Professional nodding.

Strategic procrastination.

Meeting avoidance.

Improvised career histories.

References

Art Vandelay.

Recruiter

Who is Art Vandelay?

Applicant

Founder.

Recruiter

Of company?

Applicant

Among other things.

Recruiter

What other things?

Applicant

Architecture.

Recruiter

He’s architect too?

Applicant

Extremely accomplished man.

Recruiter

Can I speak with him?

Applicant

International travel.

Recruiter

Where?

Applicant

Importing.

Recruiter

That’s not place.

Applicant

Exactly.

The Phone Call

RING.

George

Remember.

Vandelay Industries.

Jerry

I remember.

George

If they call—

Jerry

You work there.

George

Yes.

Jerry

Importing.

George

And exporting.

Jerry

Latex.

George

Exactly.

Jerry

Art Vandelay.

George

Yes!

Jerry

I’ve got it.

George

This is very important.

Jerry

You’ve told me twelve times.

George

Tell me again.

Jerry

Vandelay Industries.

George

Good.

RING.

Everyone

This could still go badly.

Corporate Apparel

Wouldn’t hurt.

The Fake Architect

Someone:

What do you do?

You

Architecture.

Someone

Really?

You

Yes.

Someone

What have you designed?

You

Buildings.

Someone

Obviously.

Which buildings?

You

Various.

Someone

Name one.

You

Have you seen Guggenheim?

Someone

You did not design Guggenheim.

You

I didn’t say that.

Someone

You implied it.

You

Architecture is about interpretation.

Someone

Architecture absolutely is not about pretending you designed other people’s buildings.

You

Agree to disagree.

Art Vandelay

Would understand.

Career Flexibility

Importer.

Exporter.

Latex specialist.

Architect.

Career Counselor

Pick one.

You

Why limit myself?

Career Counselor

Because none of them are real.

You

That’s very negative.

The Office

Boss:

How’s quarterly report?

Employee

Almost finished.

Report

Not started.

Boss

Can I see draft?

Employee

It’s importing.

Boss

What?

Employee

Data.

Boss

From where?

Employee

Server.

Boss

How long?

Employee

International server.

Boss

That isn’t how servers work.

Employee

You’d be surprised.

Boss

I work in IT.

Employee

Coffee?

Boss

Please.

The Spreadsheet

Column A.

Column B.

Column C.

Employee

No idea.

Coworker

What are you working on?

Employee

Quarterly numbers.

Coworker

Which numbers?

Employee

Import/export.

Coworker

We work at dentist office.

Employee

Diversification.

Coworker

You frighten me.

The Printer

Employee:

Print.

Printer

No.

Employee

Print.

Printer

No.

Employee

Why?

Printer

Unknown error.

Employee

Can you elaborate?

Printer

No.

Employee

You’d fit perfectly at Vandelay Industries.

Printer

Paper jam.

Employee

Exactly.

The Monday Meeting

Manager:

Let’s discuss priorities.

Employee One

Sales.

Employee Two

Customer retention.

Employee Three

Inventory.

You

Importing.

Manager

We don’t import.

You

Exporting?

Manager

We don’t export.

You

There’s problem.

Manager

What?

You

We’re leaving money on table.

Manager

What table?

You

International table.

Manager

What are you talking about?

You

Growth.

Manager

I regret asking.

Executive Presence

Achieved.

The Corporate Buzzword Meeting

Manager:

We need synergy.

Employee

Absolutely.

Manager

Scalability.

Employee

Critical.

Manager

Optimization.

Employee

Obviously.

Manager

What does any of that mean?

Employee

I assumed you knew.

Manager

I assumed you knew.

Both

Silence.

Vandelay Industries

Management training complete.

The Work-From-Home Day

Laptop.

Monitor.

Coffee.

Vandelay Industries sweatshirt.

Video Call Begins

Coworker

Nice sweatshirt.

You

Corporate issue.

Coworker

Your company gives you clothing?

You

Executive perk.

Coworker

What company?

You

Vandelay Industries.

Coworker

But you work here.

You

Consulting arrangement.

Coworker

When did that happen?

You

Internationally.

Coworker

That doesn’t answer question.

You

We’re getting off agenda.

Professional Deflection

Elite level.

The Email Inbox

147 unread messages.

Employee

No.

Email #1

Quick question.

Employee

Definitely not quick.

Email #2

Friendly reminder.

Employee

Not friendly.

Email #3

Following up.

Employee

Absolutely not.

Email #4

Can we hop on quick call?

Employee

This company has become hostile.

Vandelay Industries

Would never do this.

Mostly Because

It doesn’t exist.

The Corporate Retreat

Facilitator:

Describe Vandelay Industries in three words.

Employee One

Innovative.

Employee Two

Global.

Employee Three

Fictional.

Facilitator

What?

Employee Three

Flexible.

I said flexible.

HR

Writes something down.

Employee Three

That feels ominous.

The Mission Statement

Vandelay Industries is committed to providing innovative global import/export solutions through strategic excellence, operational synergy, and refusing to explain what any of those words mean.

Consultant

That’s meaningless.

Management

Perfect.

Print it.

The Performance Review

Manager:

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Employee

Architecture.

Manager

You’re in latex.

Employee

Currently.

Manager

Do you have architecture degree?

Employee

No.

Manager

Architecture experience?

Employee

I’ve been inside many buildings.

Manager

That’s not experience.

Employee

I’ve also looked at buildings.

Manager

Still no.

Employee

Strong visual background.

Manager

We’re moving on.

Promotion

Pending.

Forever.

The Networking Event

Stranger:

What company are you with?

You

Vandelay Industries.

Stranger

What do they do?

You

Import/export.

Stranger

What sector?

You

Latex.

Stranger

Industrial?

You

Among others.

Stranger

Which others?

You

International.

Stranger

That’s not sector.

You

Excuse me.

I see colleague.

Stranger

Where?

You

Over there.

There Is Nobody There.

You

Walk away anyway.

Networking

Successful.

The Coffee Shop

Barista:

Name?

You

Art.

Barista

Coffee for Art!

Another Customer

That’s mine.

You

Vandelay?

Customer

Excuse me?

You

Nothing.

Career Opportunity

Missed.

The Grocery Store

Cashier:

Vandelay Industries?

You

Yep.

Cashier

Importing?

You

Exporting.

Cashier

Latex?

You

Naturally.

Customer Behind You

What are you talking about?

Cashier

Seinfeld.

Customer

Oh.

Customer

Pause.

Customer

OH!

Sitcom Recognition

Delayed but successful.

The Seinfeld Fan

Sees sweatshirt.

Fan

Vandelay Industries!

You

Exactly.

Fan

Art Vandelay.

You

Importer.

Fan

Exporter.

You

Latex.

Both

Nod respectfully.

Everyone Else

Completely confused.

That’s Fine.

The Non-Seinfeld Fan

What’s Vandelay Industries?

You

Fictional company from Seinfeld.

Them

So you don’t work there?

You

Not officially.

Them

It doesn’t exist.

You

That’s why paperwork is so easy.

Them

Fair.

The Sitcom Marathon

Couch.

Snacks.

Episodes.

Vandelay Industries sweatshirt.

Friend

You’re wearing Vandelay Industries while watching Seinfeld?

You

Corporate sponsorship.

Friend

There is no corporation.

You

Exactly what accounting wants you think.

Friend

You bought sweatshirt yourself.

You

Expense account.

Friend

There is no expense account.

You

You ask too many questions.

The Weekend

Plans?

You

Nothing.

Friend

What are you doing?

You

Nothing.

Friend

All day?

You

That’s schedule.

Friend

Wearing Vandelay Industries sweatshirt?

You

Corporate casual.

Friend

You’re not working.

You

Neither is Art Vandelay.

The Classic TV Convention

Someone across room spots logo.

Stranger

Vandelay Industries!

You

Importing!

Stranger

Exporting!

You

Latex!

Stranger

Art Vandelay!

Random Person

Are you two okay?

Both

Perfectly.

Fandom

Working as intended.

The Employee Handbook

Rule 1

Answer phone correctly.

Rule 2

Never ask what we’re importing.

Rule 3

Never ask what we’re exporting.

Rule 4

If questioned, say latex.

Rule 5

Art Vandelay is unavailable.

Rule 6

If questions continue, mention architecture.

Rule 7

If that makes things worse…

Leave.

Corporate Training

Complete.

The Dress Code

Monday:

Business casual.

Tuesday:

Business casual.

Wednesday:

Vandelay Industries sweatshirt.

Thursday:

Meeting with HR about Wednesday.

Friday:

Casual.

Employee

Worth it.

The Sales Call

Client:

Tell me about company.

You

International.

Client

Which countries?

You

Many.

Client

Which ones?

You

Import countries.

Client

And?

You

Export countries.

Client

Can you name one?

You

We’re very diversified.

Client

That’s not country.

You

Connection breaking up.

Client

We’re sitting across same table.

You

Exactly.

The Career Fair

Recruiter:

Tell me about Vandelay Industries.

You

Global import/export leader.

Recruiter

Revenue?

You

Confidential.

Recruiter

Number of employees?

You

Confidential.

Recruiter

Headquarters?

You

Confidential.

Recruiter

Website?

You

Extremely confidential.

Recruiter

Does company exist?

You

I feel like you’re focusing on negatives.

The George Costanza Career Plan

Step One:

Need job.

Step Two:

Invent company.

Step Three:

Invent position.

Step Four:

Invent boss.

Step Five:

Give boss memorable name.

Step Six:

Create increasingly complicated backstory.

Step Seven:

Hope nobody verifies anything.

Step Eight:

Somebody verifies everything.

Step Nine:

Panic.

Step Ten:

Classic television.

The Gift

Recipient opens package.

Sees Vandelay Industries.

Immediate Smile.

You

Didn’t even have to explain.

Recipient

Importing?

You

Exporting.

Recipient

Latex?

You

Obviously.

Perfect Gift

Unlocked.

Birthday?

VANDELAY INDUSTRIES.

Holiday?

VANDELAY INDUSTRIES.

Coworker Gift?

VANDELAY INDUSTRIES.

Sitcom Marathon?

VANDELAY INDUSTRIES.

Classic TV Convention?

VANDELAY INDUSTRIES.

Casual Friday?

VANDELAY INDUSTRIES.

Actual Job Interview?

Maybe wear something else.

The Vandelay Industries Unisex Sweatshirt

A great gift for:

Seinfeld fans.

George Costanza fans.

Art Vandelay enthusiasts.

Classic sitcom fans.

90s television fans.

Comedy collectors.

Office workers.

Remote workers.

Home-office professionals.

Coworkers.

Bosses with a sense of humor.

Fake architects.

Imaginary importers.

Questionable exporters.

Latex salespeople.

Actual salespeople.

Accountants with a sense of humor.

HR professionals who appreciate workplace comedy.

Corporate-comedy fans.

Sitcom collectors.

TV memorabilia collectors.

Convention attendees.

Classic television fans.

People who hate meetings.

People who survive meetings.

People who schedule meetings about meetings.

People with suspicious résumés.

People who understand George Costanza’s career strategy.

People who know exactly who Art Vandelay is.

And anyone who has ever discovered that inventing a fictional company is much easier than explaining why you’re unemployed.

Vandelay Industries

COMPANY: FICTIONAL.

EMPLOYEE: QUESTIONABLE.

ART VANDELAY: AVAILABLE.

GEORGE COSTANZA: INVOLVED.

INDUSTRY: UNCLEAR.

IMPORTING: YES.

EXPORTING: ALSO YES.

LATEX: APPARENTLY.

ARCHITECTURE: POSSIBLY.

RESUME: SUSPICIOUS.

REFERENCES: UNVERIFIED.

PHONE CALL: CRITICAL.

RECEPTIONIST: CONFUSED.

CORPORATE SWEATSHIRT: ACQUIRED.

DRESS CODE: QUESTIONABLE.

CORPORATE IDENTITY: ESTABLISHED.

PROFESSIONALISM: SIMULATED.

VANDELAY INDUSTRIES.

IMPORTING. EXPORTING. LEGENDARY NONSENSE.

BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS “QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL” LIKE A FICTIONAL COMPANY, A QUESTIONABLE RÉSUMÉ, AND ENOUGH CONFIDENCE TO HOPE NOBODY CALLS YOUR REFERENCES.

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