Don’t Hassle Me I’m Local – Unisex T-Shirt – Funny Local Pride – Retro Tee

TOURIST SEASON: ACTIVE.

TRAFFIC: TERRIBLE.

PARKING: GONE.

RESTAURANT WAIT: 90 MINUTES.

MAIN STREET: AVOIDED.

SECRET BACK ROAD: ACTIVATED.

LOCAL STATUS: CONFIRMED.

HASSLING: NOT RECOMMENDED.

DON’T HASSLE ME. I’M LOCAL.

You know the shortcut.

You know the good restaurant that isn’t in the travel guide.

You know which beach actually has parking.

You know exactly when tourist season starts.

And most importantly…

YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO GO DOWNTOWN ON A SATURDAY IN JULY.

The Don’t Hassle Me I’m Local Unisex T-Shirt is made for hometown regulars, beach-town veterans, coastal characters, small-town legends, longtime residents, surfers, lake people, mountain-town locals, and anyone who has earned the right to casually announce:

“Relax. I live here.”

Featuring the hilariously confident phrase “DON’T HASSLE ME I’M LOCAL,” this retro-inspired graphic tee combines hometown pride, vacation-town attitude, laid-back humor, and the universal desire to simply be left alone.

Made with soft, breathable cotton and a comfortable relaxed unisex fit, it’s perfect for beach days, boardwalks, bars, cookouts, road trips, fishing trips, lake weekends, festivals, farmers markets, neighborhood hangouts, or quietly judging tourists who are attempting to parallel park.

Whether you’re genuinely local, practically local, seasonally local, emotionally local, or just extremely confident…

Wear it like you’ve been here forever.

Why You’ll Love It:

• Funny “Don’t Hassle Me I’m Local” Design – A bold, instantly readable phrase packed with laid-back attitude and hometown humor.
• Perfect for Local Pride – Great for beach towns, lake towns, mountain communities, coastal destinations, small towns, surf towns, and hometown regulars.
• Soft & Breathable Cotton – Comfortable for warm beach days, weekend adventures, road trips, festivals, bars, cookouts, and everyday wear.
• Relaxed Unisex Fit – Easygoing style for locals, longtime residents, vacation-town veterans, and convincing impostors.
• Retro-Inspired Style – Clean, high-impact lettering gives the shirt an effortlessly vintage feel.
• Instant Conversation Starter – Especially effective when somebody immediately asks, “Oh, you’re from here?”
• Great Gift for Locals – Perfect for hometown friends, beach lovers, surfers, lake people, coastal wanderers, travelers, bartenders, fishermen, and that person who knows every shortcut in town.

The Shirt

Tourist:

Are you local?

You:

Points at shirt.

Tourist:

Oh.

You:

Yep.

Tourist:

So what should we do while we’re here?

You:

…

Tourist:

What?

You:

You hassled me immediately.

The Local

Tourist:

Excuse me.

Local:

Points at shirt.

Tourist:

I just need directions.

Local:

Fine.

Tourist:

Where’s the best place to eat?

Local:

Now you’re pushing it.

Local Status

BORN HERE: MAYBE.

RAISED HERE: POSSIBLY.

LIVED HERE FOREVER: CLOSE ENOUGH.

KNOWS BACK ROADS: YES.

KNOWS BEST BREAKFAST PLACE: YES.

KNOWS WHERE TOURISTS EAT: YES.

GOES THERE: ABSOLUTELY NOT.

LOCAL STATUS: APPROVED.

The Restaurant

Tourist:

We heard this place is amazing.

Local:

It’s okay.

Tourist:

Okay?

It has 12,000 five-star reviews.

Local:

Exactly.

Tourist:

What’s wrong with that?

Local:

Come with me.

Twenty Minutes Later

Tourist:

This place doesn’t even have a sign.

Local:

Exactly.

Tourist:

The food is incredible.

Local:

Exactly.

Tourist:

How did you find this?

Local:

Local.

The Secret Restaurant

Friend:

You should tell people about this place.

You:

Absolutely not.

Friend:

Why?

You:

Then everyone would come here.

Friend:

Isn’t that good?

You:

For THEM.

Friend:

You’re very protective.

You:

I’ve seen what happens.

The Tourist Trap

Tourist:

Should we eat there?

Local:

No.

Tourist:

Why?

Local:

Tourist trap.

Tourist:

How can you tell?

Local:

Twenty-dollar parking.

Forty-five-dollar T-shirt.

Ninety-minute wait.

Restaurant has the town name in giant letters.

Tourist:

Fair.

Local:

Keep moving.

The Shortcut

Friend:

GPS says turn right.

Local:

We’re going left.

Friend:

GPS says right.

Local:

Left.

Friend:

It says left adds seven minutes.

Local:

Trust me.

Friend:

Why?

Local:

Tourist traffic.

Friend:

How do you know?

Local:

I LIVE HERE.

Twelve Minutes Later

Friend:

We’re already there.

Local:

Never doubt me again.

The Back Road

Tourist:

Where does this road go?

Local:

Around the traffic.

Tourist:

Google Maps doesn’t show that.

Local:

Exactly.

Tourist:

Is it legal?

Local:

Probably.

Tourist:

Probably?

Local:

Don’t hassle me.

Navigation Status

MAIN HIGHWAY: GRIDLOCKED.

GPS ROUTE: REJECTED.

BACK ROAD: SELECTED.

POTHOLES: NUMEROUS.

SCENERY: QUESTIONABLE.

TIME SAVED: 23 MINUTES.

LOCAL KNOWLEDGE: SUPERIOR.

Friend:

Okay.

I’m impressed.

You:

As you should be.

Tourist Season

JANUARY: PEACEFUL.

FEBRUARY: PEACEFUL.

MARCH: PEACEFUL.

APRIL: GETTING BUSIER.

MAY: CONCERNING.

JUNE: HERE THEY COME.

JULY: ABANDON MAIN STREET.

AUGUST: HOLD THE LINE.

SEPTEMBER: ALMOST THERE.

OCTOBER: OUR TOWN AGAIN.

Local:

We survived.

Neighbor:

Barely.

Summer

Friend:

Beautiful weather.

You:

Yep.

Friend:

Want to go downtown?

You:

Absolutely not.

Friend:

Why?

You:

July.

Friend:

And?

You:

You must be new here.

The Beach

Tourist:

Where’s the best beach?

Local:

That depends.

Tourist:

On what?

Local:

Do you want the tourist answer or the real answer?

Tourist:

Real answer.

Local:

Can you keep a secret?

Tourist:

Yes.

Local:

I’m still not telling you.

Tourist:

Seriously?

Local:

That’s how it stays good.

Secret Beach Status

LOCATION: CLASSIFIED.

PARKING: AVAILABLE.

CROWDS: MINIMAL.

WATER: PERFECT.

TOURIST BLOGS: UNAWARE.

Local:

Let’s keep it that way.

The Parking Spot

Tourist:

We’ve been looking for parking for forty minutes.

Local:

I parked in three.

Tourist:

HOW?

Local:

Local knowledge.

Tourist:

Where?

Local:

Nice try.

Parking Strategy

OBVIOUS LOT: FULL.

SECOND LOT: FULL.

STREET PARKING: GONE.

SECRET SIDE STREET: AVAILABLE.

Friend:

How do you always know?

You:

Years of training.

Friend:

You mean living here?

You:

Years.

Of.

Training.

The Boardwalk

Tourist:

This place is crowded.

Local:

Yep.

Tourist:

Is it always like this?

Local:

No.

Tourist:

When isn’t it?

Local:

When you’re not here.

Tourist:

…

Local:

Sorry.

That came out louder than intended.

The Coffee Shop

Tourist:

Where’s the best coffee?

Local:

You passed it.

Tourist:

The little place back there?

Local:

Yep.

Tourist:

It looked tiny.

Local:

That’s how you know.

Tourist:

There’s a giant coffee shop ahead.

Local:

Keep driving.

Morning Coffee

Barista:

Morning.

Local:

Morning.

Barista:

Usual?

Local:

Yep.

Tourist:

You didn’t even order.

Local:

Local.

Tourist:

I’m beginning to understand the shirt.

The Bar

Bartender:

Usual?

You:

Yep.

Tourist:

Everybody knows you.

You:

Yep.

Tourist:

Are you famous?

You:

No.

Bartender:

Unfortunately.

You:

See?

Local.

Local Bar Status

BARTENDER: KNOWS NAME.

BARTENDER: KNOWS DRINK.

BARTENDER: KNOWS STORIES.

NUMBER OF STORIES YOU WANT TOURISTS TO HEAR: ZERO.

You:

We’re done here.

Bartender:

Coward.

The Farmers Market

Vendor:

Morning.

You:

Morning.

Vendor:

Same thing?

You:

Yep.

Tourist:

How does everyone know you?

You:

Because I come here every week.

Tourist:

Oh.

You:

Local.

Tourist:

Right.

The shirt.

The Small Town

Stranger:

You know Dave?

You:

Which Dave?

Stranger:

Dave with the truck.

You:

Red truck?

Stranger:

Blue.

You:

Tall Dave?

Stranger:

Short.

You:

Oh.

Dave’s cousin.

Stranger:

Exactly.

Visitor:

How did either of you understand that?

Both:

Local.

Small-Town Directions

Local:

Go past where the old gas station used to be.

Tourist:

Okay.

Local:

Turn where Miller’s barn was.

Tourist:

Was?

Local:

Yep.

Tourist:

What’s there now?

Local:

Nothing.

Tourist:

How am I supposed to—

Local:

Then go about a mile past Linda’s place.

Tourist:

WHO IS LINDA?

Local:

Everybody knows Linda.

Tourist:

I DON’T.

Local:

Right.

Tourist.

Rural GPS

GPS:

Turn left in 500 feet.

Local:

No.

GPS:

Recalculating.

Local:

You do that.

Passenger:

You’re arguing with the GPS.

Local:

It started it.

The Lake

Friend:

Want to go to the lake Saturday?

Local:

No.

Friend:

Why?

Local:

Weekend.

Friend:

So?

Local:

Tourists.

Friend:

Sunday?

Local:

Tourists.

Friend:

Monday morning?

Local:

Now you’re thinking.

Lake-Town Strategy

SATURDAY NOON: AVOID.

SUNDAY AFTERNOON: AVOID.

MONDAY 7 A.M.: PERFECT.

Friend:

That’s incredibly specific.

Local:

Experience.

The Boat Ramp

Visitor:

Long line.

Local:

Yep.

Visitor:

Is there another ramp?

Local:

Yep.

Visitor:

Where?

Local:

…

Visitor:

You’re not telling me.

Local:

You’re learning.

The Mountain Town

Tourist:

Beautiful little town.

Local:

Thanks.

Tourist:

We might move here.

Local:

…

Tourist:

What?

Local:

Nothing.

Tourist:

Why did your eye twitch?

Local:

Allergies.

Local Population Report

JANUARY POPULATION: NORMAL.

HOLIDAY WEEKEND POPULATION: APPARENTLY EVERYONE.

Local:

Where did all these people come from?

Neighbor:

Everywhere.

Local:

Send them back.

Neighbor:

Tourism pays our bills.

Local:

Fine.

They can stay until Monday.

The Surf Town

Tourist:

Where’s the best break?

Local Surfer:

Depends.

Tourist:

On what?

Local:

Conditions.

Tide.

Swell.

Wind.

Experience.

Tourist:

So where should I go?

Local:

Maybe start with the beach.

Tourist:

Which beach?

Local:

Yes.

The Surf Report

WAVES: GOOD.

WEATHER: GOOD.

PARKING: BAD.

CROWDS: WORSE.

LOCAL KNOWLEDGE: REQUIRED.

Friend:

Where are you going?

Local:

Not there.

The Fishing Spot

Visitor:

Catch anything?

Local:

Maybe.

Visitor:

Where?

Local:

Water.

Visitor:

Which water?

Local:

Wet kind.

Visitor:

You’re not telling me.

Local:

Correct.

Fishing Spot Status

LOCATION: SECRET.

BAIT: READY.

FISH: POSSIBLE.

TOURIST REQUESTING GPS PIN: DENIED.

The Hometown

Friend:

You ever think about leaving?

You:

Sometimes.

Friend:

Where would you go?

You:

I don’t know.

Friend:

So why stay?

You:

Because this is home.

Friend:

That’s unexpectedly sentimental.

You:

Don’t tell anyone.

I have a reputation.

Hometown Pride

KNOWS EVERY STREET: YES.

KNOWS EVERY SHORTCUT: YES.

COMPLAINS ABOUT TOWN: CONSTANTLY.

ALLOWS OUTSIDERS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT TOWN: ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Friend:

Classic local behavior.

You:

Exactly.

Local Complaints

Local:

Traffic is terrible.

Tourist:

Yeah, this town has awful traffic.

Local:

Excuse me?

Tourist:

You literally just said—

Local:

I can say it.

Tourist:

Why?

Local:

Local.

Tourist:

That’s not how criticism works.

Local:

It is here.

The New Restaurant

Neighbor:

Have you tried the new place?

You:

No.

Neighbor:

Why?

You:

Too crowded.

Neighbor:

When will you try it?

You:

Six months.

Neighbor:

Why six months?

You:

Tourists will have moved on to the next new place.

Neighbor:

Strategic.

You:

Local.

The Festival

Friend:

Want to go to the festival?

Local:

What time?

Friend:

Noon.

Local:

Absolutely not.

Friend:

Why?

Local:

Crowds.

Friend:

When do you go?

Local:

Opening hour.

Get food.

Walk around.

Leave before everyone else arrives.

Friend:

That’s genius.

Local:

Years of training.

The Parade

Tourist:

Where’s the best place to watch?

Local:

Not where everyone else is standing.

Tourist:

Where then?

Local:

Follow me.

Tourist:

Really?

Local:

You seem tolerable.

Tourist:

Is that a compliment?

Local:

Huge one.

Local Approval Levels

LEVEL ONE: TOURIST.

Directions provided.

LEVEL TWO: REPEAT VISITOR.

Restaurant recommendation provided.

LEVEL THREE: ACCEPTABLE OUTSIDER.

Shortcut revealed.

LEVEL FOUR: HONORARY LOCAL.

Secret breakfast place revealed.

LEVEL FIVE: TRUSTED.

Fishing spot.

Tourist:

How long does Level Five take?

Local:

Generations.

The Vacationer

Vacationer:

We’ve been coming here every summer for fifteen years.

Local:

Okay.

Vacationer:

Basically locals.

Local:

…

Vacationer:

What?

Local:

Nothing.

Vacationer:

You disagree.

Local:

Strongly.

The Seasonal Resident

Person:

I’ve been here since May.

Local:

Nice.

Person:

I’m basically local now.

Local:

That’s adorable.

Person:

Your shirt says not to hassle you.

Local:

Correct.

Person:

I’ll leave.

Local:

You’re learning.

The Transplant

Person:

How long until I’m considered local?

Local:

How long have you lived here?

Person:

Three years.

Local:

Good start.

Person:

How long have YOU lived here?

Local:

My grandparents argued about this same question.

Person:

Oh.

Local:

Yeah.

The Fake Local

Friend:

You’re not actually from here.

You:

Details.

Friend:

You’ve been here four days.

You:

I know three streets.

Friend:

You got lost yesterday.

You:

Exploration.

Friend:

You’re wearing “Don’t Hassle Me I’m Local.”

You:

Confidence is everything.

Friend:

This is fraud.

You:

Local status is a mindset.

Vacation Status

ARRIVAL: FOUR DAYS AGO.

HOTEL: STILL USING KEY CARD.

MAP: IN POCKET.

LOCAL RESTAURANT: VISITED ONCE.

LOCAL SHIRT: ACQUIRED.

CONFIDENCE: UNREASONABLE.

Friend:

Nobody believes you.

You:

They will from a distance.

The Road Trip

Friend:

Where are we?

You:

No idea.

Friend:

You’re wearing the local shirt.

You:

Act natural.

Friend:

We have out-of-state plates.

You:

Walk faster.

The Gas Station

Clerk:

Passing through?

You:

Nope.

Clerk:

Where do you live?

You:

…

Friend:

This should be good.

You:

Around.

Clerk:

Around where?

You:

Locally.

Friend:

I’m leaving.

The Tourist Asking Directions

Tourist:

How do I get downtown?

You:

Don’t.

Tourist:

What?

You:

Trust me.

Tourist:

But my hotel is downtown.

You:

I’m sorry.

Tourist:

For what?

You:

You’ll understand shortly.

Downtown Status

TRAFFIC: STOPPED.

PARKING: EXTINCT.

SIDEWALKS: FULL.

RESTAURANT WAIT: 97 MINUTES.

LOCAL: SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Tourist:

Where IS everyone who lives here?

Local:

Not downtown.

The Local Grocery Store

Tourist:

Why is everyone talking to everyone?

You:

Small town.

Tourist:

You’ve said hello to six people.

You:

Yep.

Tourist:

Do you know them?

You:

Four of them.

Tourist:

What about the other two?

You:

Probably know their cousins.

The Hardware Store

Employee:

Hey!

You:

Hey!

Employee:

How’s your dad?

You:

Good.

Tourist:

You know the hardware-store employee?

You:

Obviously.

Tourist:

Why obviously?

You:

Local.

The Local Legend

Friend:

Everybody knows you.

You:

Not everybody.

Stranger:

Hey!

You:

Hey!

Friend:

Who was that?

You:

No idea.

Friend:

They knew you.

You:

Apparently.

Friend:

You’ve achieved peak local.

The Bartender Test

Bartender:

What’ll you have?

Tourist:

What’s good?

Bartender:

Depends what you like.

Local:

Walks in.

Bartender:

Already pouring yours.

Tourist:

Okay.

THAT guy’s local.

Local:

Points at shirt.

The Breakfast Place

Server:

Usual?

You:

Yep.

Visitor:

You have an “usual”?

You:

Doesn’t everyone?

Visitor:

No.

You:

That’s unfortunate.

Breakfast Status

MENU: UNNECESSARY.

ORDER: KNOWN.

COFFEE: ARRIVES AUTOMATICALLY.

LOCAL LEVEL: MAXIMUM.

The Weather

Tourist:

Beautiful day!

Local:

Wind’s coming.

Tourist:

Forecast says sunny.

Local:

Wind.

Two Hours Later

WIND: ARRIVES.

Tourist:

How did you know?

Local:

Points at shirt.

Tourist:

That doesn’t explain anything.

Local:

Doesn’t need to.

Local Weather Forecast

WEATHER APP: 72° AND SUNNY.

LOCAL’S KNEE: RAIN TOMORROW.

Friend:

Which do we trust?

You:

The knee.

The Souvenir Shop

Tourist:

Should I buy this shirt?

Local:

Which one?

Tourist:

“Don’t Hassle Me I’m Local.”

Local:

How long have you been here?

Tourist:

Since Tuesday.

Local:

Absolutely.

Tourist:

Really?

Local:

I want to see what happens.

The Gift

Recipient:

Opens package.

Recipient:

“Don’t Hassle Me I’m Local.”

You:

Yep.

Recipient:

Perfect.

You:

Thought so.

Recipient:

Especially during tourist season.

You:

Exactly.

Recipient:

I’m wearing it Saturday.

You:

Bold.

Recipient:

Why?

You:

That’s when they’ll all be here.

Recipient:

Good point.

The Hometown Friend Gift

Friend:

This is painfully accurate.

You:

Yep.

Friend:

You bought this because I complain about tourists?

You:

Partly.

Friend:

What’s the other part?

You:

You also complain about new residents.

Friend:

That’s different.

You:

Of course it is.

The Beach Lover Gift

Recipient:

Perfect beach shirt.

You:

Exactly.

Recipient:

Flip-flops.

Shorts.

Sunglasses.

You:

Yep.

Recipient:

And mild hostility toward tourists.

You:

Essential accessory.

The Lake Person Gift

Recipient:

I’m wearing this at the lake.

You:

Perfect.

Recipient:

Especially holiday weekends.

You:

Extremely perfect.

Recipient:

Will it reduce crowds?

You:

No.

Recipient:

Worth a try.

The Coastal Local

Visitor:

You live here?

Local:

Yep.

Visitor:

Right by the ocean?

Local:

Yep.

Visitor:

You must go to the beach every day!

Local:

…

Visitor:

You don’t?

Local:

I can go whenever I want.

Visitor:

So?

Local:

Therefore I don’t.

Visitor:

That’s bizarre.

Local:

Local logic.

The Mountain Local

Tourist:

You must ski every day.

Local:

No.

Tourist:

But you live here.

Local:

Exactly.

Tourist:

I don’t understand.

Local:

That’s okay.

The Local Pride Paradox

COMPLAINS ABOUT HOMETOWN: YES.

LOVES HOMETOWN: YES.

THINKS ABOUT LEAVING: SOMETIMES.

ACTUALLY LEAVES: PROBABLY NOT.

GETS DEFENSIVE WHEN OUTSIDER INSULTS HOMETOWN: IMMEDIATELY.

Friend:

Makes perfect sense.

Local:

Exactly.

Don’t Hassle Me

Stranger:

Excuse me—

You:

Points at shirt.

Stranger:

I haven’t even asked anything.

You:

Preventative.

Stranger:

Fair.

The Perfect Local Uniform

T-SHIRT: ON.

SUNGLASSES: ON.

FLIP-FLOPS: OPTIONAL.

COFFEE: ACQUIRED.

SHORTCUTS: MEMORIZED.

TOURIST TRAPS: AVOIDED.

LOCAL ATTITUDE: ACTIVATED.

Friend:

Ready?

You:

Born ready.

The Don’t Hassle Me I’m Local Unisex T-Shirt

A funny hometown gift for:

Locals.

Longtime locals.

Hometown lifers.

Beach-town locals.

Lake-town locals.

Mountain-town locals.

Coastal locals.

Surf-town locals.

Small-town locals.

Island locals.

Resort-town locals.

Vacation-town locals.

Fishing-town locals.

Tourist-town locals.

Seaside locals.

Beach lovers.

Lake lovers.

Surfers.

Fishermen.

Boaters.

Coastal wanderers.

Bartenders.

Servers.

Shop owners.

Small-business regulars.

Neighborhood legends.

Hometown characters.

People who know everybody.

People everybody knows.

People who know every shortcut.

People who refuse to reveal those shortcuts.

People who know where to park.

People who refuse to reveal where they park.

People who know the secret beach.

People who absolutely will not tell you where the secret beach is.

People who have a secret fishing spot.

People who laugh when someone asks for the GPS coordinates.

People who know the best breakfast place.

People who know the bartender.

People whose bartender knows their order.

People whose barista knows their order.

People who don’t need a menu at their favorite restaurant.

People who walk into the hardware store and immediately get asked about their family.

People who give directions using landmarks that no longer exist.

People who say:

“TURN WHERE THE OLD GAS STATION USED TO BE.”

People confused when outsiders don’t understand those directions.

People who know tourist season by traffic patterns.

People who refuse to go downtown during tourist season.

People who schedule errands around tourist traffic.

People who have strong opinions about vacation rentals.

People who have strong opinions about parking.

People who have stronger opinions about people taking their parking.

People who know exactly when the town becomes theirs again.

People who complain about their hometown.

People who become defensive when somebody else complains about their hometown.

People who understand that these positions are completely compatible.

People who say they’re leaving someday.

People who have been saying that for fifteen years.

People who aren’t actually leaving.

People whose family has lived there for generations.

People who moved there years ago and finally stopped using GPS.

People still waiting to be officially recognized as local.

People who married a local and are hoping that counts.

People who have been vacationing there for twenty years and claim honorary status.

People who arrived Tuesday and bought the shirt anyway.

People who aren’t remotely local.

People who think confidence will compensate.

People traveling on vacation.

People on road trips.

People who love retro humor.

People who love sarcastic shirts.

People who want strangers to stop asking questions.

People who like conversation-starting shirts despite claiming they want strangers to stop talking to them.

People looking for a hometown gift.

People looking for a local-pride gift.

People looking for a beach-town gift.

People looking for a lake-house gift.

People looking for a coastal gift.

People looking for a surfer gift.

People looking for a fisherman gift.

People looking for a bartender gift.

People looking for a funny vacation shirt.

People looking for a retro summer tee.

And anyone who understands the sacred local code:

KNOW THE SHORTCUTS.

AVOID THE TOURIST TRAPS.

SUPPORT THE GOOD LOCAL SPOTS.

NEVER REVEAL THE SECRET BEACH.

AND WHATEVER YOU DO…

DON’T HASSLE ME.

I’M LOCAL.

Local Status Report

HOMETOWN: CLAIMED.

LOCAL STATUS: ACTIVE.

T-SHIRT: ON.

COTTON: SOFT.

FIT: RELAXED.

ATTITUDE: ALSO RELAXED.

TOURIST SEASON: ACTIVE.

TRAFFIC: INCREASING.

MAIN STREET: COMPROMISED.

DOWNTOWN: AVOIDED.

PARKING: SCARCE.

SECRET PARKING SPOT: CLASSIFIED.

HIGHWAY: GRIDLOCKED.

BACK ROAD: ACTIVATED.

GPS: DISAGREES.

LOCAL: DOESN’T CARE.

BEACH: CROWDED.

SECRET BEACH: CLASSIFIED.

FISHING SPOT: CLASSIFIED.

BREAKFAST PLACE: CLASSIFIED.

BEST BAR: POSSIBLY REVEALED TO TRUSTED INDIVIDUALS.

BARTENDER: KNOWS ORDER.

BARISTA: KNOWS ORDER.

SERVER: DOESN’T BRING MENU ANYMORE.

LOCAL CREDIBILITY: HIGH.

TOURIST ASKS FOR RECOMMENDATION: DETECTED.

LOCAL: HESITATING.

TOURIST SEEMS NICE: POSSIBLE.

RESTAURANT RECOMMENDATION: GRANTED.

SECRET BEACH LOCATION: STILL DENIED.

OUTSIDER INSULTS HOMETOWN: DETECTED.

LOCAL DEFENSIVENESS: IMMEDIATE.

LOCAL COMPLAINS ABOUT SAME HOMETOWN FIVE MINUTES LATER: ACCEPTABLE.

LOGIC: LOCAL.

HASSLING: DISCOURAGED.

LOCAL PRIDE: MAXIMUM.

CURRENT STATUS: DON’T HASSLE ME. I’M LOCAL.

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This heavy cotton tee has the classic cotton look and feel. Casual elegance will make it an instant favorite in everyone’s wardrobe.

• Classic fit
• 100% Cotton (fibre content may vary for different colors)
• Light fabric (5.3 oz/yd² (180 g/m²))
• Tear away label
• Runs true to size

 

	S	M	L	XL	2XL	3XL	4XL	5XL
Width, in	17.99	20.00	21.97	23.98	25.98	27.99	30.04	31.97
Length, in	28.00	29.00	30.00	31.00	32.00	33.00	34.00	35.00
Sleeve length, in	7.24	7.76	8.23	8.74	9.25	9.76	10.24	10.75

 

Weight	N/A